Some friendships naturally fade with time, but if you truly valued the person, it’s natural to want to get back in touch.
However, it’s also awkward to reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. What are you supposed to say? Are they going to think it’s weird after all this time? Do they even want to be friends again? It’s impossible to know the answers to those questions in advance, which is why you have to just go for it. If you want to reopen the lines of friendship, start by following these steps.
1. Reach out with a simple message.
Source: Unsplash Start by sending a casual, friendly message to your old friend. Keep it light and non-pressuring. You might mention a shared memory or simply express that you’ve been thinking about them. This opens the door for further communication without overwhelming the other person. Remember, the goal is to re-establish a connection, not to dive into deep conversations right away.
2. Use social media to your advantage.
Social media platforms can be great tools for reconnecting. Follow or friend your old pal and start interacting with their posts. Comment on their photos or share content you think they’d enjoy. More gradual interaction can help rebuild familiarity and provide conversation starters for when you do connect more directly. Just be mindful not to overdo it, as too much sudden attention might feel overwhelming.
3. Share a throwback photo or memory.
Source: Unsplash Dig through your old photos and find a memorable moment you shared. Send it to your friend with a nostalgic message. This not only shows that you’ve cherished your shared experiences but also provides a natural talking point. It can spark conversations about the past and potentially lead to catching up on the present.
4. Suggest a casual meet-up.
Source: Unsplash Once you’ve re-established some communication, suggest meeting up in person if possible. Keep it low-key — maybe a coffee or a quick lunch. Choose a neutral, public place to keep things comfortable and pressure-free. Face-to-face interaction can help reignite the connection and allow for more natural conversation flow.
5. Be honest about your intentions.
Source: Unsplash Express your genuine desire to reconnect and rebuild the friendship. Honesty can go a long way in easing any awkwardness or hesitation. Share why you value their friendship and why you’d like to rekindle it. A bit of openness can create a foundation of trust for moving forward. It also gives your friend the opportunity to express their feelings about reconnecting.
6. Show interest in their current life.
Source: Unsplash Ask about their current life, career, family, or interests. Show genuine curiosity about who they are now, not just who they were when you were close. This shows that you’re interested in knowing them as they are today, not just reliving old times. Be prepared to listen to what they have to say and engage with what they share.
7. Apologise if necessary.
If your friendship ended due to a disagreement or your actions, consider offering a sincere apology. Take responsibility for your part in the drift and express your regret. Doing so can clear the air and pave the way for a fresh start. However, be prepared that they might need time to process your apology, and respect their response, whatever it may be.
8. Invite them to a group hangout.
Consider inviting your old friend to a group event with other mutual friends, as it can create a more relaxed environment for reconnecting. The presence of other familiar faces can ease any potential awkwardness and provide multiple avenues for conversation. It also takes some pressure off the one-on-one interaction if you’re both feeling a bit nervous.
9. Find common interests to bond over.
Source: Unsplash Explore what interests or hobbies you both currently share. This might be something from your past friendship or new interests you’ve both developed. Suggesting things to do based on these shared interests can provide a natural way to spend time together. It gives you something to talk about and enjoy together, helping to rebuild your connection.
10. Be patient and understanding.
Source: Unsplash Understand that rekindling a friendship takes time and effort from both sides. Be patient if your friend doesn’t respond immediately or seems hesitant at first. People’s lives and priorities change, and it may take time to find your new rhythm. Respect their boundaries and be willing to take things at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.
11. Share updates about your life.
While showing interest in their life, don’t forget to share about yours too. Open up about your experiences, challenges, and joys since you last connected. Showing vulnerability can help rebuild trust and intimacy in the friendship. It also gives your friend the opportunity to know and understand the person you’ve become.
12. Reminisce, but don’t dwell on the past.
While shared memories can be a great starting point, avoid getting stuck in the past. Balance reminiscing with discussions about the present and future, which acknowledges your history while also recognising that you’re both different people now. It allows your friendship to evolve and grow based on who you are today.
13. Be consistent in your efforts.
Consistency is key in rebuilding any relationship. Make regular efforts to stay in touch, whether it’s through messages, calls, or meet-ups. This shows that you’re committed to rekindling the friendship. However, be mindful of not overwhelming your friend. Find a balance that works for both of you.
14. Address any elephant in the room.
Source: Unsplash If there’s an unresolved issue or a reason why you drifted apart, consider addressing it openly. Choose an appropriate time and approach the topic with sensitivity so that you can clear the air and hopefully move forward without lingering questions or resentments. Be prepared for potentially tough conversations, but remember that working through these issues can strengthen your renewed friendship.
15. Create new shared experiences.
While your old memories are valuable, it’s important to create new ones too. Plan new activities or experiences together, whether that’s trying a new restaurant, taking a day trip, or starting a project together. These new shared experiences help to build your friendship in the present, giving you current common ground to bond over. It also helps to establish your friendship in its current context, rather than relying solely on past connections.
