No one purposely tries to make themselves look bad — this tends to happen without the person even realising.
You can look like a supermodel or a movie star, but if your personality and behaviour are off-putting, your appearance won’t save you. If you want to be considered attractive and the kind of person people are drawn to and want to be around, doing these things is having the opposite effect.
1. Constant complaining
While everyone needs to vent sometimes, turning every conversation into a complaint session can drain the energy right out of a room. It’s not necessarily down to the words you use, either – this habit can actually rewire your brain to focus on the negative, making you see problems everywhere you look. The good news is you can flip this around by catching yourself mid-complaint and trying to find one positive thing to mention instead, gradually building a more balanced perspective.
2. Phone addiction during conversations
Who hasn’t been halfway through a conversation when that notification ding pulls our attention away? This is known as “phubbing,” and it sends a clear message that whatever’s on your screen is more important than the person in front of you. Try leaving your phone in your pocket during conversations, or better yet, face down on the table. You might be surprised at how much more meaningful your interactions become when you’re fully present.
3. One-upping stories
When someone shares a story about their weekend, and you immediately jump in with your “bigger and better” version, you’re not adding to the conversation – you’re hijacking it. It often comes from a good place, trying to relate or show understanding, but it can make people feel like their experiences don’t matter. Instead, try asking questions about their story first, showing genuine interest before sharing your own experience.
4. Chronic lateness
Consistently showing up late isn’t just about poor time management – it’s sending a message that you value your time more than anyone else’s. While running five minutes behind occasionally happens to everyone, making it a habit can damage both professional and personal relationships. Start setting your clocks ahead or giving yourself buffer time by planning to arrive 15 minutes early, treating other people’s time as the valuable resource it is.
5. Gossiping about everyone
While sharing news about other people can feel like a way to bond, constantly spreading gossip makes people wonder what you say about them when they’re not around. It usually comes from trying to feel more connected or important, but it usually backfires by destroying trust. Try redirecting gossip conversations to more constructive topics, or simply saying, “I try not to discuss people who aren’t here to share their side.”
6. Playing the victim
When everything that goes wrong seems to be someone else’s fault, it’s time for a reality check. Constantly positioning yourself as the victim pushes away potential supporters and gives away your power to change situations. Taking responsibility for your part in situations, even if it’s just your reaction to them, opens up possibilities for real growth and positive change.
7. Humblebragging
“Ugh, I hate how my new car’s leather seats get too hot in summer” – we’ve all heard these thinly veiled brags that try to disguise showing off as complaining. Sadly, it usually comes across as insincere and can make people feel like you’re trying to prove your worth. If you want to share good news, it’s actually more attractive to do it straightforwardly while remaining grateful and grounded.
8. Interrupting people
Jumping in before someone finishes their thought might feel like enthusiastic participation, but it often leaves everyone around you feeling unheard and undervalued. It might come from excitement or fear of forgetting your point, but it disrupts the natural flow of conversation. Try taking a breath before speaking, or even writing down your thoughts if you’re worried about forgetting them.
9. Treating service workers like rubbish
How someone treats servers, retail workers, or customer service representatives says volumes about their character. Doing this reveals underlying attitudes about status and respect that can poison other relationships too. Remember that everyone you encounter is fighting their own battles, and showing kindness to service workers isn’t just nice – it’s a reflection of your values.
10. Chronic negativity
Different from occasional complaining, this is about approaching everything with a “glass half empty” attitude. When you consistently point out what could go wrong or why things won’t work, you create an energy that people naturally want to avoid. Start practising the “yes, and” approach from improv comedy – acknowledge the reality while looking for possibilities instead of shutting them down.
11. Attention seeking on social media
Constantly fishing for compliments or validation through vague posts or carefully curated photos can make you appear insecure rather than confident. While sharing life updates is normal, doing it solely for attention can exhaust your followers and friends. Try limiting social media posts to things you genuinely want to share, not just what you think will get the most likes.
12. Never admitting mistakes
Refusing to acknowledge when you’re wrong doesn’t make you look strong – it makes you look insecure and unreliable. This usually comes from a fear of appearing weak, but the opposite is true. Admitting mistakes and learning from them shows emotional intelligence and maturity, making you more trustworthy in other people’s eyes.
13. Excessive self-deprecation
While a bit of self-deprecating humour can be endearing, constantly putting yourself down isn’t just unattractive – it’s exhausting for other people. It often forces people into the role of constant reassurer, which can strain relationships. Practice accepting compliments with a simple “thank you” and save the self-deprecating jokes for occasional use.
14. Name-dropping
Repeatedly mentioning your connection to important people or exclusive places often achieves the opposite of what you’re hoping for. Instead of making you seem well-connected, it can come across as trying too hard to prove your worth. Let your achievements and connections come up naturally in conversation, and focus on making genuine connections with the people right in front of you.
15. Being chronically indecisive
While it’s good to consider options carefully, constantly waffling on decisions or refusing to take a stance can be incredibly frustrating for other people. It comes from fear of making the wrong choice, but it can paralyse both personal and professional progress. Start with small decisions made quickly, building up your confidence in your judgment over time.
