Some people struggle to wrap their heads around the idea of respecting people’s chosen pronouns, and unfortunately, they make it everyone else’s problem.
Whether it’s ignorance, stubbornness, or just an urge to argue, they come out with some truly ridiculous statements. You don’t always have to engage, but when you do, here are some realistic ways to shut down the nonsense while keeping your sanity intact. After all, someone else’s gender identity really doesn’t affect anyone else’s life but their own, so why do some people find it so hard to accept and respect that? It doesn’t matter if it’s you who are clarifying your pronouns, or you’re simply standing up for what’s right in the world — these phrases should come in handy.
1. “It’s really not that hard.”
When someone complains that using someone’s correct pronouns is too confusing, this simple response cuts right through the excuse. People remember names, titles, and even complicated job roles without a problem, so pretending pronouns are impossible doesn’t hold up. If they’re struggling, it’s not because it’s hard; it’s because they don’t want to try. This makes it clear that the issue isn’t complexity, but effort. If they can manage to remember who prefers “Dr.” over “Mr.,” they can figure this out, too.
2. “Do you get this upset over nicknames?”
If someone acts like using different pronouns is a huge inconvenience, this flips the perspective. Plenty of people go by shortened names, middle names, or even completely unrelated nicknames, and no one bats an eye. It makes them realise they already adjust how they address people all the time. The only difference is that this time, they’re choosing to make it an issue. If they can call a “Robert” a “Bobby” without throwing a tantrum, they can manage pronouns as well.
3. “You’ve been using pronouns your whole life.”
When someone claims they “don’t believe in pronouns,” this makes them think twice. Every sentence they speak relies on pronouns, unless they’re planning to remove “he,” “she,” “they,” and “you” from their vocabulary entirely. It points out how ridiculous their argument is. Pronouns aren’t some new trend; they’re just words that describe people. If they can say “he went to the shop” without a problem, they already accept that pronouns exist.
4. “What’s the worst that happens if you respect them?”
If someone is genuinely struggling to understand why pronouns matter, this helps them see the bigger picture. What’s the downside to making someone feel seen and respected? Does it actually harm them in any way? Most of the time, they don’t have an answer—because there isn’t a real downside. Even if they don’t personally “get it,” using the right pronouns costs them nothing but makes a huge difference to the person they’re addressing.
5. “Respect isn’t optional.”
Source: Unsplash Some people act like pronouns are a debate, but this makes it clear that they aren’t. Just like you wouldn’t argue about calling someone by the name they introduce themselves with, pronouns aren’t up for negotiation. It shuts down the idea that people get to “agree” or “disagree” with someone’s identity. You don’t have to understand something fully to respect it, and this makes it clear that basic decency isn’t something people can opt out of.
6. “If you get it wrong, just correct yourself and move on.”
People sometimes panic about “getting it wrong,” and this helps keep things in perspective. Everyone makes mistakes, but how they handle them matters. A quick correction and moving on is all it takes. It takes away the argument that it’s too difficult or stressful. No one expects perfection, just effort. If they’re willing to adjust when they accidentally call someone by the wrong name, they can do the same with pronouns.
7. “Language evolves all the time.”
Source: Unsplash When people argue that “they/them” can’t be singular or that new pronouns aren’t “real,” this reminds them that language has always changed. Words shift, meanings evolve, and the way we speak adapts to reflect the world. They don’t have an issue using words like “email” or “internet,” even though they didn’t exist centuries ago. Pronouns are just another example of language growing, and resisting that change is just being stubborn.
8. “You’ve used ‘they’ as singular before.”
Source: Unsplash When someone insists that ‘they’ can’t be singular, this response stops them in their tracks. They’ve definitely said things like, “Someone left their phone behind” or “Tell them to call me” without thinking twice. They already use “they” as a singular pronoun; it’s just that now, they’re choosing to have a problem with it. Pointing this out forces them to admit that the issue isn’t grammar, it’s their unwillingness to accept change.
9. “Would you rather be rude on purpose?”
Source: Unsplash For people who claim they just “don’t get it,” this makes them think about what’s really at stake. Even if they don’t fully understand someone’s pronouns, they have a choice: be respectful, or deliberately be rude. Most people don’t like to think of themselves as intentionally disrespectful. This makes it clear that refusing to use correct pronouns isn’t just “forgetting” or “having an opinion”; it’s an active choice to disregard someone’s identity.
10. “It’s really not about you.”
Source: Unsplash Some people act like pronouns are a personal inconvenience for them, as if someone else’s identity is about making their life harder. This response reminds them that it’s not their decision to make. Respecting pronouns isn’t about how they feel; it’s about treating people with dignity and kindness. If someone is getting this upset over a small adjustment in speech, they might need to ask themselves why they’re making it such a big deal.
11. “You use new names without a problem.”
Source: Unsplash When someone argues that they “just can’t get used to” a pronoun change, this points out that they adjust to name changes all the time. If someone gets married and changes their last name, people adapt. If someone goes by a nickname, they respect it. Pronouns work the same way. If they can update their contacts when a friend changes their last name, they can make the same effort when it comes to pronouns. It’s a habit, not an impossibility.
12. “How does this affect your life?”
Source: Unsplash For people who act like pronouns are ruining society, this question forces them to think about it logically. Does using someone’s correct pronouns actually change anything about their own life? The answer is always no. Some people just like to argue for the sake of it, but this helps remind them that their opinion isn’t necessary. If someone’s pronouns don’t personally affect them, there’s no reason for them to be making it a debate.
13. “If you care about someone, you respect them.”
Source: Unsplash At the end of the day, using someone’s correct pronouns is about respect. If someone values a friendship, relationship, or even a professional connection, they don’t go out of their way to dismiss how that person identifies. If they refuse, it says more about them than the pronouns themselves. This makes them realise that ignoring someone’s identity isn’t just a grammar debate; it’s a sign that they don’t actually care about that person’s comfort or dignity.
14. “If you can adapt to new technology, you can adapt to this.”
Source: Unsplash People learn new things every day, whether it’s how to use a smartphone, navigate a new app, or keep up with slang. If they can adjust to those changes, they can learn pronouns too. The truth is, it’s never about difficulty; it’s about attitude. If they’re willing to update their vocabulary for everything except pronouns, it’s because they don’t want to, not because they can’t. This makes them realise that effort is a choice, not a burden.
