We’ve all had that one person who constantly cancels, shows up late, or forgets the plan entirely, and it’s incredibly annoying.
After all, while the occasional slip-up is normal, flaky behaviour that keeps happening, especially when it affects your time, energy, or peace of mind, shows a complete lack of respect for your time. You don’t have to explode or cut them off, but you also don’t have to keep tiptoeing around it. Here are 14 things you can say that call it out without turning it into a fight.
1. “I plan around people I can count on. Right now, that’s not you.”
Sometimes the clearest way to get through is to say what you’ve been holding in. If someone keeps flaking, chances are they don’t realise just how much it’s impacted your trust. It’s not dramatic or confrontational to make the pattern visible. You’re not trying to punish them, you’re just explaining the reality. People earn reliability, and if their behaviour’s shown you otherwise, you’re allowed to adjust your expectations accordingly. That’s not petty; it’s self-respect.
2. “When plans keep changing last minute, it makes me feel like a backup option.”
If they always cancel or show up only when it’s convenient, it’s okay to name how that feels. You’re not accusing, really; they might not even be aware of the pattern. However, if it’s becoming a habit, it deserves to be said out loud. Statements like this make it less about blame and more about your experience. It gives them a chance to respond without turning it into a row, but still makes it clear something needs to change, and stat.
3. “If something’s changed, or you’re not up for this, I’d rather you just be upfront.”
Flaky people often dodge hard conversations, so they’ll stall or ghost rather than say no. Offering them a way to be honest without pressure can sometimes break the cycle… if they’re willing to be real with you. This lets them know they don’t have to fake enthusiasm or string you along. It also puts a bit of the responsibility on them to communicate like an adult instead of disappearing at the last second.
4. “I’ve started making plans that don’t rely on you showing up.”
That’s not meant to be a threat. Instead, it’s a boundary. You’ve adjusted how you move, so their inconsistency doesn’t keep throwing you off. You’re not cancelling them, you’re just protecting your time and energy. If they ask why you didn’t invite them or include them, this is a calm, honest response. You’re not excluding them out of spite. You’re just done gambling your schedule on someone who doesn’t follow through.
5. “Your words and your actions don’t really match lately.”
This can hit hard, but sometimes it needs to be said. If they keep making plans and bailing, or promising to do better and not following through, this line holds up a mirror without exaggeration, just observation. It encourages them to really think about how they’ve been showing up (or not showing up). You’re not expecting perfection, but if the inconsistency keeps building, it starts to destroy the foundation. That matters.
6. “I know life gets busy, but I need people who actually show up.”
Everyone’s got stuff going on. You’re not asking for 24/7 attention here. You’re asking for basic consistency. If they keep flaking, it’s fair to let them know that showing up isn’t optional for the kind of relationship you want. This is a calm but firm way to say: I’m not here for chaos. You’re allowed to want reliability, and you shouldn’t have to justify that need, especially not to someone who’s consistently unpredictable.
7. “You’ve bailed more times than you’ve followed through, and I can’t pretend that doesn’t matter.”
Source: Unsplash At a certain point, patterns speak louder than intentions. If their track record is mostly no-shows, it’s okay to bring that up plainly. Dragging up every detail isn’t necessary, but you do need to be honest about what’s real. You’re not keeping score to be petty. You’re just no longer willing to ignore what the numbers are showing. If they want to stay in your life, consistency needs to be part of that.
8. “Let me know if you’re ever actually ready to follow through.”
Sometimes people flake because they’re unsure of what they want. They say yes to keep you happy, then cancel when it’s inconvenient. Giving them the space to make the next move can stop the cycle of chasing and disappointment. This definitely changes the dynamic. Instead of continuing to ask, you’re letting them prove it with actions. If they come around, great. If not, you’re no longer stuck waiting on someone who can’t give a straight answer.
9. “It’s hard to make space for someone who keeps disappearing.”
There’s only so much effort you can put in when someone’s half-in, half-out. You’re trying to make a relationship work, but it keeps feeling one-sided. It’s draining, and this statement names that without making it a big confrontation. This is a firm boundary. You’ve got limited time and energy, and you’re done pouring it into a black hole. You can say this kindly, but still mean every word.
10. “I don’t chase people who treat plans like suggestions.”
This one’s a bit more direct, and it’s best used when you’re genuinely fed up. Some people treat social plans like they’re optional until the last minute, and you’re not here for that kind of unpredictability anymore. It’s not about punishing them; it’s about protecting your peace. If they want to be in your life, they’ll make the effort. If not, you’ve made it clear that you’re not running after people who can’t even commit to coffee.
11. “I’m not mad, but I’ve had to lower my expectations.”
This is one of those calm truth bombs that people don’t forget. You used to be angry, but now you’ve just accepted how things are. You’re not playing games, you’re just adjusting your view of what they’re actually offering. Letting them know this can sometimes wake them up, especially if they didn’t realise how far the trust had dropped. It opens the door for change, but it also makes it clear you’re not waiting around for it.
12. “You’re fun when you show up, but that’s been rare lately.”
Sometimes you genuinely like this person, but you’re tired of being let down. This line keeps it light but honest. You enjoy their company, but the no-shows are starting to overshadow the good stuff. It gives them a nudge without being aggressive. If they want to keep that connection going, they’ll need to show up more often. Fun is great, but follow-through matters just as much.
13. “I don’t take it personally anymore. I just take the hint.”
When the flaking becomes the norm, you start to realise that this might just be who they are. And while it hurts, accepting that truth gives you your power back. You’re not sitting there overthinking every excuse. They’ve made their priorities clear. This lets them know the door’s not slammed shut, but you’ve stopped trying to squeeze yourself into their unpredictable schedule. It’s a calm, confident step back, and that speaks volumes.
14. “I’m done rearranging my time for someone who never really shows up.”
Source: Unsplash This is the end-of-the-line statement when you’ve given chance after chance and nothing’s changed. You’re not angry anymore, just done. You’ve got better things to do than keep setting the table for someone who never turns up. Rather than aiming for revenge, it’s about choosing consistency, peace, and respect over constant letdowns. If they want back in, they’ll have to show you they’ve changed, not just say they will.
