They say parenting is a thankless job, and many times, that seems to be true.
Raising kids naturally comes with its fair share of rewards, sure, but there are also plenty of challenges, one of the most frustrating being ungrateful behaviour. Whether it’s the occasional eye-roll, a lack of appreciation for your efforts, or a full-blown tantrum when they don’t get what they want, it’s simultaneously disheartening and infuriating. After all, didn’t you teach them better than that? In reality, while ungratefulness can be difficult to handle, it’s also a normal part of a child’s development. Here’s how to deal with it when it crops up while helping them grow into appreciative, thoughtful individuals.
1. Model gratitude in your daily life.
Children learn by observing the adults around them. If they see you expressing gratitude regularly, they’re more likely to adopt this behaviour themselves. Say “thank you” when someone helps you, express appreciation for the little things, and let your kids hear you acknowledge acts of kindness. When you demonstrate gratitude consistently, you set a powerful example for them to follow.
2. Teach them to say “thank you.”
Gratitude often starts with simple manners. Encourage your children to say “thank you” when someone does something for them. Be consistent with reminders, but avoid nagging. If they forget, a gentle prompt can help. Over time, this habit of saying “thank you” will become second nature, reinforcing the importance of showing appreciation.
3. Avoid giving in to constant demands.
It can be tempting to give in when your child insists on having the latest toy or gadget, but doing so too often can create entitlement. Instead, set boundaries and teach them that they can’t always get what they want. When you say “no,” explain your reasons calmly. This helps them understand the value of patience, effort, and moderation.
4. Involve them in acts of giving.
Encourage your children to participate in charitable activities, such as donating old toys, helping with community projects, or making cards for people in need. Experiencing the joy of giving first-hand helps them develop empathy and realise that not everyone has the same privileges. A bit of exposure can lead to a deeper sense of gratitude.
5. Talk about feelings and perspectives.
Sometimes, kids struggle with gratitude because they don’t fully understand the effort or thought that goes into what they receive. Talk to them about how other people might feel when their efforts go unappreciated. For example, if you’ve spent time cooking a meal, explain how it makes you feel when they dismiss it. These conversations can help them see things from another person’s perspective.
6. Set expectations for chores and responsibilities.
When children have regular responsibilities, such as tidying their room or helping with dishes, they’re more likely to appreciate the work that goes into keeping things running smoothly. Assign age-appropriate tasks and let them know their contributions matter. This teaches them the importance of effort and cooperation in a family setting.
7. Encourage gratitude journaling.
For older kids, keeping a gratitude journal can be an effective way to cultivate appreciation. Encourage them to write down three things they’re grateful for each day or week. This exercise helps them focus on the positive aspects of their lives, no matter how small. Over time, it can shift their perspective and make gratitude a regular habit.
8. Avoid over-praising or over-rewarding.
While positive reinforcement is important, excessive praise or rewards for every small achievement can lead to a sense of entitlement. Instead, celebrate genuine effort and accomplishments without going overboard. This approach helps children understand the difference between earning rewards and expecting them automatically.
9. Introduce delayed gratification.
Teaching your children to wait for things helps them appreciate them more. If they want a new toy or treat, let them work toward it by saving money, completing chores, or waiting for a special occasion. Delayed gratification helps them understand that rewards often come from patience and effort, not instant demands.
10. Practise gratitude together as a family.
Incorporate gratitude into your family’s routine. During meals or bedtime, ask everyone to share one thing they’re grateful for that day. This simple practice encourages everyone to reflect on positive moments and fosters a culture of appreciation in your home. It also normalises expressing gratitude as a regular part of life.
11. Focus on experiences over material things.
Instead of giving physical gifts all the time, focus on creating meaningful experiences. Take a family trip, go for a nature walk, or have a movie night at home. These shared experiences often provide lasting joy and appreciation. When children learn to value experiences, they’re less likely to place importance on material possessions.
12. Show appreciation for their efforts.
When your children help out or show kindness, acknowledge it. Let them know you appreciate their efforts by saying things like, “Thank you for helping with the dishes” or “I really appreciate how kind you were to your sibling.” When children feel their efforts are noticed, they’re more likely to extend that same appreciation to other people.
13. Be patient and consistent.
Gratitude is a trait that develops over time. Your child might not immediately respond to these strategies, and that’s okay. Keep reinforcing positive behaviours, and be patient. Consistency is key. Over time, your efforts will help nurture a more grateful mindset, even if it doesn’t seem like it right away.
14. Lead with empathy, not frustration.
It’s easy to feel frustrated when your child seems ungrateful, but responding with anger rarely helps. Instead, try to understand where their behaviour is coming from. Are they tired, overwhelmed, or feeling neglected in some way? Addressing the root cause with empathy helps you connect with your child and find more effective solutions together.
