Affairs don’t happen out of nowhere.
There are usually warning signs that a relationship is heading down that path. If you can spot these red flags early, you might be able to address the underlying issues before infidelity occurs. In this article, we’ll discuss 14 signs that your relationship might be at risk of an affair. Keep in mind that these signs don’t guarantee cheating, but they do indicate potential problems that need to be addressed.
1. Your partner is suddenly working late all the time.
If your partner has always been a workaholic, a few late nights probably aren’t cause for alarm. But if they’re suddenly burning the midnight oil regularly, and their explanations feel a little flimsy, that’s a different story. Of course, sometimes work really does get crazy. But if your gut is telling you something’s off, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and pay attention to any patterns or changes in their behaviour.
2. They’re being secretive with their phone or computer.
In a healthy relationship, there’s a basic level of transparency and trust when it comes to technology. You’re not constantly looking over each other’s shoulders, but you also don’t feel like you have to hide your screens. So if your partner is suddenly super protective of their devices, always angling them away from you or quickly closing tabs when you walk by, that’s a red flag. If they’re not cheating, they might be engaged in some other shady behaviour that they don’t want you to see.
3. They’re picking fights over little things.
Source: Unsplash Every couple argues sometimes, but if your partner is constantly snapping at you over minor issues, that could be a sign that something deeper is going on. They might be trying to create distance or justify their behaviour by making you the bad guy. Or they could be projecting their own guilt and frustration onto you. Either way, a pattern of unnecessary conflict is never a good sign in a relationship.
4. Their appearance or grooming habits have changed.
If your partner has always been a T-shirt and jeans kind of person, and suddenly, they’re rocking designer suits and getting regular haircuts, that could be a red flag. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good or trying out a new style. But if the changes seem abrupt or out of character, and they’re not linked to a new job or other life event, it’s worth paying attention to. They might be trying to impress someone else.
5. They’re less interested in physical intimacy with you.
If your sex life has always been a bit of a rollercoaster, a temporary dry spell might not be a huge deal. But if your partner is consistently turning down your advances or seems checked out during intimate moments, that’s concerning. It could be a sign that they’re getting their needs met elsewhere, or that they’re no longer emotionally invested in the relationship. Of course, there could be other factors at play (stress, health issues, etc.), but it’s still worth having an honest conversation about.
6. They’re always “running errands” or “working on a project.”
If your partner is spending more and more time away from home, and their explanations are vague or inconsistent, that’s a definite red flag. Maybe they say they’re going to the gym, but they come home smelling like someone else’s perfume. Or they tell you they’re working on a special project, but they get cagey when you ask for details. Trust your gut — if something feels off, it probably is.
7. They’re suddenly interested in new hobbies or activities.
It’s great when partners have their own interests and pursuits outside the relationship. But if your couch potato partner is suddenly training for a marathon or taking up salsa dancing, and they’re doing it all without you, that could be a sign that they’re trying to create a separate life. They might be making new friends (or more than friends) in these new circles, and pulling away from the relationship as a result.
8. They’re being evasive or defensive when you ask questions.
In a healthy relationship, partners should be able to communicate openly and honestly with each other. So if your partner is constantly dodging your questions, giving one-word answers, or getting defensive when you express concerns, that’s a problem. They might be trying to hide something, or they might be checked out of the relationship altogether. Either way, a lack of communication is a big red flag.
9. They’re comparing you to other people.
If your partner is always pointing out how great their coworker’s wife is at cooking, or how fit their friend’s husband is, that’s not a good sign. Comparisons like this can be a way of expressing dissatisfaction with the relationship, or even a way of justifying an affair. After all, if they can convince themselves that you don’t measure up to others, it might be easier to stray. Don’t let these comparisons go unchecked — talk to your partner about how they make you feel.
10. They’re refusing to talk about relationship problems.
Nobody likes awkward conversations, but being able to discuss relationship issues is crucial to the health and longevity of your partnership. If your partner shuts down any attempts to talk about problems or concerns, instead of being open and engaged, that’s a red flag. It could mean they’re avoiding the issue because they’ve already checked out of the relationship, or it could mean that they simply don’t care enough to invest in fixing things with you.
11. They treat their friends and family better than they treat you.
Source: Unsplash As relationships mature, there can sometimes be a tendency to take one another for granted, or to put more effort into other connections, like friendships or family ties. However, if you notice that your partner consistently shows more attentiveness, compassion, or effort with others than with you, it’s worth examining. While it doesn’t definitively signal an affair, it does indicate that your partner may not be as invested in or satisfied with the relationship as they could be.
12. They’re suddenly very independent and evasive about their schedule.
Source: Unsplash Maintaining individual identities and interests is important in a relationship, but if your partner becomes fiercely independent to the point of being evasive or secretive about their whereabouts and activities, consider it a red flag. Refusal to share or discuss plans, along with frequent last-minute changes or cancellations, could indicate that your partner has become more invested in a separate life that may or may not involve another person. Open communication is key to a healthy dynamic.
13. They’ve become overly critical of you or the relationship.
Source: Unsplash Constant criticism can chip away at the foundation of a relationship, eroding feelings of love, trust, and respect over time. If your partner frequently nitpicks your appearance, habits, or personality traits, or expresses chronic dissatisfaction with the state of the relationship, it could be a sign of deeper issues. In some cases, a partner may use excessive criticism as a way to justify their own poor behaviour, including infidelity. If this pattern arises, it’s crucial to address it head-on.
14. They’re not being truthful or are telling outright lies.
Source: Unsplash If you catch your partner in small lies or inconsistencies, don’t brush it off. While everyone bends the truth sometimes, a pattern of dishonesty is a serious concern in a relationship. You might notice conflicting stories about where they were or who they were with, or catch them in a lie about something they said or did. Even if the lies don’t directly involve another person, a general lack of truthfulness can indicate larger issues of trust and respect in the relationship that need to be addressed.
