Most people join a church to find a sense of faith, community, and guidance.
Unfortunately, sometimes, what starts as a well-meaning religious space can start veering into something much more controlling. The tricky thing is, cult-like behaviour doesn’t always come with dramatic warning signs — it can happen slowly, disguised as strong leadership or passionate belief. If you’ve ever felt uneasy about the way things are run, here are some subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs your church might be crossing the line, and you need to get out.
1. The leader is treated like they can do no wrong.
Every church has a leader, but when that person is put on a pedestal and treated as if they’re above questioning, that’s a red flag. If any criticism of them is shut down, dismissed, or even punished, that’s a sign things are getting unhealthy. Genuine spiritual leaders encourage discussion, accountability, and even disagreement. If your church treats the pastor or leader as untouchable, it’s worth asking why.
2. Questioning things is discouraged.
A healthy church welcomes questions, discussions, and even doubts because faith is personal, and it’s normal to have uncertainties. But if asking questions makes you seem disloyal or rebellious, that’s a problem. Cults thrive on control, and one of the easiest ways to maintain it is to make people feel guilty for questioning anything. If challenging teachings, rules, or leadership decisions is met with hostility, that’s not spiritual guidance, that’s manipulation.
3. There’s extreme pressure to stay, no matter what.
Leaving a church shouldn’t feel like breaking out of a prison. If your church makes it difficult for people to leave — whether through guilt-tripping, social isolation, or outright warnings that bad things will happen if they go — that’s a serious concern. A healthy religious community respects personal choice. If leaving is treated as betrayal rather than a personal decision, it’s walking into cult territory.
4. They demand absolute loyalty.
While it’s normal for a church to encourage commitment, no religious organisation should demand complete, unquestioning loyalty. If you’re made to feel like you must prioritise the church over your own family, friendships, or personal beliefs, that’s not faith, it’s control. Loyalty should be earned, not forced. A good church understands that people have lives outside of the congregation and supports them in maintaining a healthy balance.
5. Fear is used to keep people in line.
If the main message you’re getting is that leaving, questioning, or failing to follow church rules will lead to punishment — whether that’s divine wrath, social rejection, or personal disaster — it’s a big warning sign. Faith should be about love, growth, and support, not constant fear. If sermons, conversations, or leadership meetings feel more like scare tactics than spiritual encouragement, something isn’t right.
6. The church controls members’ personal lives.
It’s one thing for a church to offer guidance on faith and values, but when they start dictating who you can date, where you can work, how you should spend your money, or even what kind of media you can consume, that’s a problem. Healthy churches trust members to make their own choices. When a church starts interfering in personal decisions under the guise of ‘spiritual authority,’ it’s a step toward control, not guidance.
7. There’s pressure to cut off outsiders.
If your church discourages friendships or relationships with people outside the congregation, especially if they’re labelled as “bad influences” just for having different beliefs, it’s a red flag. Strong faith doesn’t require isolation. Any religious group that makes you feel like the only safe place is within their walls is trying to control your environment, not nurture your faith.
8. Financial contributions feel more like an obligation than a choice.
Source: Unsplash Churches rely on donations, and there’s nothing wrong with encouraging generosity. However, when giving money feels like a requirement rather than an option, or when people are shamed for not giving enough, it’s concerning. If your church constantly pushes for financial contributions in a way that makes you feel pressured or guilty, especially if there’s little transparency on where the money goes, it might be prioritising profit over purpose.
9. Leadership claims to have a direct line to God.
Source: Unsplash It’s normal for religious leaders to interpret scripture or share their spiritual insights. But when they start claiming they have exclusive messages from God that no one else can question, that’s a dangerous level of power. Faith should encourage personal connection with spirituality, not blind dependence on a single person’s interpretation. If your leader positions themselves as the only true authority on God’s will, it’s worth questioning why.
10. Former members are treated like enemies.
Source: Unsplash When people leave a healthy church, they’re usually still welcomed with kindness and respect. But in cult-like environments, former members are treated as traitors, sinners, or even threats. If people who leave are shunned, talked about negatively, or warned that they’ll regret it, it’s a sign that the church is more about maintaining control than supporting its members’ personal journeys.
11. Everything revolves around recruitment.
Source: Unsplash It’s normal for churches to encourage new members, but if recruitment seems more important than the well-being of current members, that’s a problem. If every conversation, event, and sermon is focused on bringing in more people rather than helping those already there, it’s a sign that numbers are being prioritised over community. A good church focuses on spiritual growth, not just expansion. If you feel like you’re constantly being asked to recruit new people rather than deepen your own faith, that’s a red flag.
12. The church isolates itself from outside influence.
If your church regularly warns against reading books, watching shows, or listening to people outside of their teachings, they’re not just sharing faith — they’re controlling information. A secure faith community encourages learning and discussion, even if that means hearing other perspectives. When outside voices are labelled as “dangerous” simply because they don’t align perfectly with the church’s message, that’s a tactic used to limit critical thinking.
13. Members feel exhausted trying to keep up.
If being part of the church feels more like a full-time job than a place of spiritual growth, that’s a sign that something’s off. Constant meetings, mandatory events, and pressure to always be doing more can wear people down emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Faith should be fulfilling, not draining. If your church makes you feel like you’re never doing enough or that stepping back would be seen as a failure, it might be demanding more than it should.
14. Guilt and shame are used as tools for obedience.
Every religious community has values, but if your church makes you feel like you’re never good enough — constantly sinful, constantly needing to do better, and always in danger of judgement — it’s not about faith anymore, it’s about control. Spirituality should bring peace, not a constant feeling of guilt. If sermons, conversations, and church culture revolve around making you feel bad rather than lifting you up, it’s worth questioning whether this environment is truly helping your faith or just keeping you in line.
