Cheating might seem like a clear-cut case of right and wrong, but the people who do it often don’t see it that way.
As insane as it sounds, many cheaters have a whole list of justifications that help them sleep at night. Some of it comes from denial, some from twisted logic, and some from plain old self-preservation. Whatever the reason, it usually boils down to one thing: they’ve convinced themselves they’re not the bad guy. If you’ve ever been cheated on (or know someone who has), these might sound frustratingly familiar. These are the reasons why cheaters often believe they’re not in the wrong.
1. “It just happened.”
This is the classic excuse cheaters use to avoid responsibility. They act like the affair was a freak accident, like tripping over a kerb, but with someone else’s body. By saying it just happened, they remove any sense of planning or intention from the situation.
Of course, the reality is that very few things “just happen” without at least a few conscious decisions along the way. That mindset helps them minimise the guilt and pretend they didn’t really choose to cheat, even though every step took them closer to that line.
2. “I wasn’t getting what I needed.”
Some cheaters justify their actions by saying their partner wasn’t fulfilling their emotional or physical needs. Instead of addressing those issues directly, they decide cheating is the easier (or more exciting) workaround.
It’s a way of passing the blame and turning themselves into the victim instead of the one who broke trust. Rather than doing the hard work of communicating or ending the relationship, they paint cheating as a survival tactic, not a betrayal.
3. “We were going through a rough patch.”
Lots of couples hit bumpy phases, but cheaters often use these moments as an excuse. They convince themselves that a rough patch is the same as a breakup, or at least permission to step outside the relationship for a bit.
Instead of viewing hardship as something to work through, they see it as a loophole. It’s easier to tell themselves the relationship was already “kind of over” than to admit they just didn’t handle the hard stuff with honesty.
4. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
This one’s all about easing their own guilt. Cheaters will often say they didn’t cheat to hurt their partner—it wasn’t personal, just something they did for themselves. As if intent changes the outcome.
Sadly, the reality is that cheating does hurt. A lot. Saying it wasn’t meant to hurt someone doesn’t erase the betrayal—it just shows how little thought they gave to anyone else’s feelings in the process.
5. “I didn’t think I’d get caught.”
This reason isn’t always said out loud, but it’s often sitting there underneath the surface. Some people cheat simply because they think they can get away with it, and they justify their actions by believing what their partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them.
In their mind, the secret affair only becomes “wrong” once it’s discovered. Until then, they compartmentalise it, acting like it doesn’t count if it’s kept in the dark. That logic might keep their conscience quiet, but it doesn’t make it right.
6. “They cheated first.”
Revenge cheating is its own messy category. Some cheaters justify their actions by pointing to something their partner did in the past, whether it was actual cheating or just something that hurt them deeply. Instead of dealing with the hurt in a healthy way, they retaliate, hoping it’ll somehow even the score. All it really does is add more pain to an already broken dynamic, and give them a false sense of moral balance.
7. “I still love my partner.”
Surprisingly, a lot of cheaters genuinely believe they still love their partner. In their minds, the affair didn’t take away from their relationship—it was just… a side thing. They compartmentalise their feelings to avoid feeling like a full-on villain.
This kind of mental gymnastics helps them justify the betrayal. If they still love their partner, then surely they can’t be that bad, right? It’s a way to dodge the reality that love and loyalty are meant to go hand in hand.
8. “It didn’t mean anything.”
Minimising the emotional weight of the affair is another common way cheaters soften the blow in their minds. They’ll say it was just physical, a mistake, or something that didn’t carry any emotional significance. Of course, even if there weren’t romantic feelings involved, it still broke trust. Saying “it didn’t mean anything” is more about making themselves feel better than actually addressing the harm it caused.
9. “I was drunk/stressed/emotional.”
Blaming cheating on a specific state, like being drunk or going through an emotional spiral—is a way to disconnect from the choice itself. It makes it sound like they weren’t in control or thinking clearly. Using a temporary state as an excuse doesn’t erase the decision. Even in vulnerable moments, people still have agency. Trying to pin it all on alcohol or stress just avoids the real issue: they still chose to betray their partner’s trust.
10. “It was a one-time thing.”
When cheaters want to downplay what happened, they often insist it only happened once. They use the idea of “just once” to separate themselves from serial cheaters, as if one betrayal hurts less than several. The number of times doesn’t change the core issue: trust was broken. Whether it was once or a dozen times, it still reflects a willingness to step outside the relationship and keep it a secret.
11. “It made me realise how much I love my partner.”
This one’s oddly twisted but surprisingly common. Some cheaters claim that the affair opened their eyes and made them appreciate their partner more. It’s almost like they’re saying cheating was some kind of wake-up call.
While it might’ve stirred up some regret, it doesn’t justify the betrayal. If anything, it just highlights how disconnected they were in the first place. You don’t need to betray someone to realise their value; you just need to pay attention.
12. “I thought we were on a break.”
Ah yes, the classic break excuse. What is this, “Friends”? Whether it was a clear pause or a murky “space” conversation, some cheaters lean hard on this idea to dodge accountability. In their view, if the relationship wasn’t officially active, anything goes.
If boundaries weren’t clearly set, that argument gets flimsy fast. Often, it’s not about being on a break—it’s about how someone behaved during it, and whether they respected the connection they claimed to care about.
13. “They weren’t meeting my needs, but this other person did.”
Cheaters sometimes rationalise their actions by saying someone else made them feel seen, appreciated, or desired in a way their partner didn’t. They frame the affair as filling a gap, not creating one.
Instead of facing the gap directly—with vulnerability and honest conversation—they choose the shortcut. The “needs” argument often sidesteps responsibility and makes it seem like cheating was the only reasonable option, when it rarely ever is.
14. “I didn’t think it would matter this much.”
Some cheaters genuinely seem surprised by the emotional fallout of their actions. They expect their partner to be upset, sure, but not devastated. That shock often reveals just how disconnected they were from the depth of the relationship.
Underestimating the damage comes from a place of denial. They didn’t think it would matter this much because they weren’t paying close enough attention in the first place, which might be part of how they ended up cheating at all.
