Emotional vulnerability is a scary thing.
It means opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection, hurt, and disappointment. It’s no wonder that so many people secretly fear being emotionally vulnerable, even if they don’t realise it themselves. If you’re someone who struggles with vulnerability, you might recognise some of these 14 habits in yourself. But don’t worry, you’re not alone, and there are ways to start breaking down those walls and letting people in.
1. They have a tough exterior and rarely show their soft side
People who fear emotional vulnerability often put up a tough front to protect themselves. They might come across as aloof, sarcastic, or even aggressive, but it’s all a defence mechanism. Underneath that hard exterior, there’s a soft, sensitive side that they’re afraid to show. They worry that if they let their guard down, people will see them as weak or take advantage of them. So, they keep their walls up and their emotions hidden.
2. They have a hard time asking for help or admitting weakness
Source: Unsplash Asking for help requires vulnerability, and that’s something that people who fear emotional vulnerability struggle with. They see admitting weakness or needing assistance as a sign of failure or incompetence. They’d rather struggle in silence than risk being seen as incapable or dependent. This can lead to a lot of unnecessary stress and burnout, as they try to do everything on their own.
3. They’re quick to dismiss or downplay compliments
Source: Unsplash Compliments can be uncomfortable for people who fear emotional vulnerability. When someone praises them or acknowledges their strengths, they might brush it off or downplay their accomplishments. They might say things like “it was no big deal” or “anyone could have done it”. This is because accepting compliments means acknowledging their own value and worth, and that can feel scary and exposing.
4. They have a hard time expressing their feelings directly
Source: Unsplash People who fear emotional vulnerability often struggle to express their feelings in a direct and honest way. They might hint at their emotions or use sarcasm or jokes to deflect from the real issue. They might also bottle up their feelings until they explode in anger or frustration. This is because being vulnerable and saying “I feel hurt” or “I need support” can feel too raw and exposing.
5. They’re often the “strong one” in their relationships
Source: Unsplash People who fear emotional vulnerability often take on the role of the “strong one” in their relationships. They’re the ones who people turn to for support and advice, but they rarely ask for help themselves. They might feel like they need to be the rock for everyone else, even if they’re crumbling on the inside. This can lead to a lot of emotional burnout and resentment over time.
6. They have a hard time letting go of control
Source: Unsplash Vulnerability requires a certain level of surrender and letting go of control. For people who fear emotional vulnerability, this can be incredibly challenging. They might micromanage every aspect of their lives, or try to control the emotions and reactions of those around them. They might also struggle with uncertainty and have a hard time trusting people to handle things on their own.
7. They’re often attracted to unavailable partners
Source: Unsplash People who fear emotional vulnerability might find themselves drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable or distant. This is because being with someone who’s not fully present or committed feels safer than being with someone who wants a deep, intimate connection. They might chase after people who are hard to pin down or who send mixed signals, because it allows them to keep their own walls up and avoid true vulnerability.
8. They use humour or sarcasm as a defence mechanism
Source: Unsplash Humour and sarcasm can be great tools for diffusing tension and lightening the mood, but for people who fear emotional vulnerability, they can also be a way to avoid genuine connection. By making a joke or a snarky comment, they can deflect from their own feelings and keep things on a superficial level. They might also use humour to mask their own insecurities or vulnerabilities.
9. They have a hard time being alone with their thoughts and emotions
Source: Unsplash People who fear emotional vulnerability often struggle with introspection and self-reflection. They might avoid being alone with their thoughts and emotions, because it feels too overwhelming or exposing. They might distract themselves with work, socialising, or other activities, rather than taking the time to sit with their own feelings and process them. This can lead to a lot of unresolved emotional baggage over time.
10. They’re quick to end relationships at the first sign of conflict
Source: Unsplash Conflict and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but for people who fear emotional vulnerability, they can feel like a threat. They might be quick to end a relationship at the first sign of trouble, rather than working through the issue and growing closer as a result. They might also avoid confrontation altogether, letting resentments and misunderstandings fester until they reach a breaking point.
11. They have a hard time accepting help or support from other people
Source: Unsplash Just as people who fear emotional vulnerability struggle to ask for help, they also struggle to accept it when it’s offered. They might feel like they’re burdening people or that they should be able to handle everything on their own. They might also worry that accepting help means they’ll owe something in return, or that they’ll be seen as weak or needy. This can lead to a lot of isolation and self-reliance, even when support is readily available.
12. They often feel like an outsider or imposter in their own lives
Source: Unsplash People who fear emotional vulnerability might struggle with feelings of belonging and authenticity. They might feel like an outsider or an imposter in their own lives, even when they’re surrounded by people who care about them. This is because they’re not fully showing up as their true selves, and are instead putting on a façade or a mask to protect themselves. This can lead to a lot of loneliness and disconnection, even in the midst of social interaction.
13. They have a hard time letting go of past hurts and traumas
Emotional vulnerability requires a willingness to face and process past hurts and traumas, and this can be incredibly challenging for people who fear vulnerability. They might hold onto grudges or resentments for years, or avoid talking about painful experiences altogether. They might also struggle with forgiveness, both for themselves and other people. This can lead to a lot of emotional baggage and unresolved pain, which can impact their current relationships and well-being.
14. They often feel exhausted and drained by social interactions
Finally, people who fear emotional vulnerability might find social interactions to be exhausting and draining, even when they’re with people they care about. This is because they’re constantly monitoring their own reactions and emotions, and trying to keep their walls up and their true feelings hidden. They might feel like they’re performing or putting on an act, rather than being their authentic selves. This can lead to a lot of emotional fatigue and burnout over time.
You’re not alone and that there is hope for change if you relate to any of these.
Source: Unsplash Learning to be emotionally vulnerable is a process, and it takes time, patience, and practice. Start by taking small steps, like sharing a personal story with a trusted friend or admitting when you need help with something. Remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength. It’s what allows us to connect with people on a deep and meaningful level, and to experience the full range of human emotions. So, be brave, be honest, and be vulnerable. Your relationships and your own well-being will thank you for it.
