Being an ally is more than just saying you support LGBTQIA+ people.
You have to actively show up, listen, and make choices that create a more inclusive world. Whether you’re new to allyship or looking for ways to do better, there’s always room to grow. Acceptance is great, but real support requires you to take action. If that sounds like something you want to do, here are some ways you can be a better LGBTQIA+ ally in everyday life.
1. Open your ears, your heart, and your mind, and really listen.
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to be an ally is to listen. Instead of assuming you already know what LGBTQIA+ people experience, take the time to hear their stories, concerns, and needs. Too often, allies jump in with their own opinions without first understanding what’s actually helpful.
Active listening means being present, asking thoughtful questions, and resisting the urge to centre yourself in the conversation. Sometimes, the best way to support someone is just to give them space to be heard.
2. Educate yourself instead of expecting LGBTQIA+ people to teach you.
It’s great to be curious and ask questions, but expecting LGBTQIA+ people to constantly educate straight people can be exhausting. There are countless resources—books, documentaries, articles, and online platforms—where you can learn about history, terminology, and issues that affect the community.
Taking the initiative to do your own research shows respect. It also allows queer people to focus on living their lives instead of constantly explaining things that are already widely available to learn.
3. Respect people’s pronouns and identities.
Misgendering or refusing to use someone’s correct pronouns might not seem like a big deal to some, but for queer people, it can be deeply invalidating. It’s a simple act of respect to call people what they want to be called—just like using the correct name for anyone else.
If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, politely ask or listen to how they introduce themselves. And if you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on without making it a big deal.
4. Call out discrimination when you see it.
Being an ally isn’t just about being supportive in private; it’s about speaking up when you witness discrimination, whether it’s a homophobic joke, a transphobic comment, or an unfair policy at work. Staying silent allows harmful behaviour to continue unchecked.
Calling out discrimination doesn’t mean starting a fight, but rather making it clear that intolerance isn’t acceptable. Even small acts, like saying, “Hey, that’s not okay,” can change the conversation and make other people think twice.
5. Don’t make assumptions about someone’s identity.
Not all queer people “look” a certain way, and not everyone is out to everyone in their life. Assuming someone’s gender, pronouns, or sexual orientation based on appearance or stereotypes can be hurtful and dismissive. Instead of assuming, let people define themselves on their own terms. If you’re unsure, default to neutral language until they share how they identify.
6. Recognise that allyship isn’t about you.
Source: Unsplash Being an ally is about supporting LGBTQIA+ people, not about proving how progressive or open-minded you are. If you’re more focused on getting credit for being supportive than actually helping, it’s time to reassess your intentions. True allyship means uplifting queer voices, not making yourself the centre of the conversation. Your support should come from a place of genuine care, not the need for validation.
7. Support queer businesses and creators.
One of the most direct ways to be an ally is to put your money where your mouth is. Supporting queer-owned businesses, artists, writers, and content creators helps amplify their voices and sustain their work. Buying from LGBTQIA+ brands, sharing their work, and recommending them to other people is an easy yet meaningful way to show support beyond words.
8. Avoid performative allyship.
Wearing a rainbow pin once a year or posting about Pride Month on social media is nice, but allyship goes beyond surface-level gestures. If your support only appears when it’s trendy or convenient, it’s not real allyship. Ask yourself what you’re doing to support LGBTQIA+ people outside of public displays. Are you having difficult conversations? Supporting policy changes? Challenging discrimination in everyday life? Actions speak louder than words.
9. Make spaces more inclusive.
Whether it’s at work, school, or social settings, think about ways to make spaces more welcoming. Are queer people represented in leadership? Are there gender-neutral bathrooms? Are policies in place to protect against discrimination? If your workplace, community, or organisation lacks inclusivity, speak up and push for change. Even small improvements can make a big difference in making people feel safe and respected.
10. Be mindful of the questions you ask.
Curiosity is natural, but some questions—especially personal ones about someone’s gender, body, or relationships—can feel invasive. Asking a trans person about surgery or a same-sex couple about how they “do things” isn’t appropriate. Before asking something, consider whether you’d ask a straight or cisgender person the same question. If not, it’s probably best to let people share on their own terms.
11. Don’t assume every queer person wants to be an activist.
While some LGBTQIA+ people are passionate about advocacy, not everyone wants to constantly discuss social issues or educate everyone. Some just want to live their lives without always having to explain or defend their identity. Being a good ally means respecting that. Instead of expecting queer people to do all the work, take the initiative to support change in ways that don’t place the burden on them.
12. Vote for policies that support LGBTQIA+ rights.
Real allyship isn’t just personal—it’s political. Laws and policies affect LGBTQIA+ lives in huge ways, from healthcare access to legal protections to workplace rights. One of the most impactful things allies can do is vote for policies and leaders that support equality. Staying informed on queer issues and making choices that reflect your support—whether it’s in elections, workplace policies, or community decisions—helps create real change.
13. Understand that allyship is a lifelong process.
Source: Unsplash Being an ally isn’t about getting everything right all the time—it’s about being willing to learn, grow, and do better when needed. No one is a perfect ally, and mistakes happen. What matters is how you respond and what you do to improve. Stay open to feedback, continue educating yourself, and remember that allyship is an ongoing commitment. Real support means showing up not just today, but always.
