It’s hard to know how to help someone who’s struggling with depression.
While it’s not your responsibility to “cure” them — and unless you’re a qualified mental health professional, you likely couldn’t even if you wanted to — when you care about someone, you naturally want to do whatever you can to make them feel better. Here are some little ways you can alleviate their suffering even slightly. These things might seem like no big deal, but they can make a huge difference in their life.
1. Be present without fixing.
Depression isn’t something you can solve with a pep talk or a checklist, so take the pressure off yourself to “fix” things. Just being there—whether to listen, sit in silence, or even share a meal—shows you care. Presence is powerful, even when words feel inadequate. Sometimes, it’s not about what you do, but just showing up consistently.
2. Learn about depression.
The more you understand depression, the better equipped you’ll be to support them. Read up on the symptoms, causes, and treatment options, but remember that every person’s experience is unique. Your goal isn’t to become an expert, but to gain empathy. Knowing what they’re going through can help you avoid unintentional missteps, like saying, “Just snap out of it.”
3. Listen without judgment.
Sometimes people just need to vent without hearing advice in return. Offer a safe space for your loved one to share their feelings without fear of being judged or dismissed. Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re feeling, listening with empathy goes a long way. Let them know they’re heard and valued, even in their darkest moments.
4. Validate their feelings.
Depression can make someone feel misunderstood, so phrases like “That sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way” can be incredibly comforting. Avoid minimising their pain with phrases like “It could be worse” or “Look on the bright side.” Letting them know their feelings are valid is a small but significant way to show support.
5. Encourage professional help.
You can be there for your loved one, but you’re not a substitute for therapy or medical care. Gently suggest they consider talking to a therapist or doctor, and offer to help research options if they’re open to it. Normalising going to therapy or seeing a psychiatrist can help can make it feel less daunting. Remember, it’s okay if they need time to warm up to the idea.
6. Offer practical support.
Depression can make even basic tasks feel overwhelming, so small gestures like cooking a meal, helping with errands, or tidying up can be a big help. Sometimes, offering concrete actions—like “Can I grab groceries for you?”—is better than a vague “Let me know if you need anything.” Thoughtful acts of service can lighten their load without making them feel pressured.
7. Be patient.
Healing from depression takes time, and there’s no set timeline for improvement. Avoid expecting quick results or getting frustrated if they don’t “bounce back” as soon as you’d hoped. Patience shows them that your support is steady and unconditional. Letting them move at their own pace helps build trust and comfort.
8. Keep inviting them to things.
Depression often makes people withdraw, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be included. Even if they say no more often than yes, continuing to invite them to hang out, take a walk, or grab coffee reminds them they’re not forgotten. Be gentle and understanding if they decline, but let them know the door is always open.
9. Don’t take things personally.
Depression can make people irritable, distant, or less communicative, but it’s not about you. If your loved one snaps or pulls away, try not to internalise it as a reflection of your relationship. Instead, remind yourself that it’s the depression talking, not them. Staying calm and compassionate helps you avoid unnecessary conflict.
10. Avoid toxic positivity.
While optimism can be helpful in the right moments, phrases like “Just think positive!” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive to someone struggling with depression. Instead, focus on being realistic yet supportive, like saying, “I know this is hard, but I’m here for you.” Realistic hope feels more grounded than forced cheerfulness.
11. Encourage self-care gently.
Self-care can feel impossible during a depressive episode, but small nudges—like suggesting a walk, offering to cook a nutritious meal, or even reminding them to drink water—can help. Avoid being pushy, though; the goal is to make self-care feel accessible, not like another obligation. Tiny wins, like taking a shower, can feel monumental to someone in the thick of it.
12. Check in regularly.
Consistency matters more than grand gestures. Sending a text, giving them a call, or simply asking, “How are you doing today?” shows that you’re thinking about them. Regular check-ins can remind your loved one that they’re not alone, even if they don’t always feel like talking. Small, steady reminders of your presence can mean the world.
13. Take care of yourself, too.
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining, so don’t forget to prioritise your own well-being. Find your own outlets—whether it’s therapy, friends, or hobbies—that help you recharge. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so taking care of yourself ensures you’ll be able to show up for them without burning out. Balance is key to being there for them while protecting your own mental health.
