Deciding whether or not to have kids is a personal decision, and it’s not always an easy one.
Understandably, not everyone feels comfortable sharing their true feelings, especially if they think they might be judged for their feelings on the matter. Sometimes fear, pressure, or uncertainty makes people mask what they really want. When they’re hesitant to open up about it, whether to pushy family members, friends, or even a romantic partner, they’ll likely do these things.
1. They joke about it constantly.
Some people use humour as a cover for serious feelings. They might joke, “I’d be a terrible parent” or “Imagine me with a kid — chaos!” These jokes can be a way to deflect attention from their real desires or fears. Laughing it off is easier than opening up.
2. They avoid conversations about the future.
When discussions turn to long-term plans, they quickly change the subject. Talking about future goals, especially around family, might feel too revealing or uncomfortable. Their avoidance can be a sign that they’re conflicted or unsure about admitting their feelings.
3. They focus on career or personal goals instead.
Highlighting professional ambitions or personal achievements can be a way to steer attention away from the topic of children. While these goals may be genuine, they can also serve as a shield. It helps them sidestep questions about family plans without outright denying their feelings.
4. They say “maybe someday” without commitment.
Using vague phrases like “I might want kids later” or “I’ll think about it when the time is right” allows them to keep their options open. It gives the impression of flexibility while masking any strong feelings they have. It’s a safe way to avoid judgment or pressure.
5. They overemphasise the downsides of parenting.
Constantly pointing out how exhausting or expensive children are can be a cover for deeper feelings. By focusing on the negatives, they create a buffer to protect themselves from admitting a desire for kids. It’s easier to hide behind criticism than express vulnerability.
6. They express fear of “not being ready.”
Claiming they aren’t ready, financially or emotionally, can be a way to mask their true desires. They might genuinely feel unprepared, but this fear can also be an excuse to avoid confronting their feelings. Admitting readiness is sometimes scarier than postponing the idea.
7. They act indifferent when others announce pregnancies.
When friends or family share pregnancy news, they may seem detached or unbothered. Their indifference could be a defence mechanism to hide jealousy, sadness, or confusion. Pretending not to care helps them avoid acknowledging their own feelings about having children.
8. They keep their partner in the dark.
Instead of sharing their real thoughts, they might say what they think their partner wants to hear. They avoid honest discussions to prevent conflict or rejection. Their silence can come from fear of their desires being incompatible or unaccepted.
9. They criticise their upbringing.
Constantly mentioning how difficult their own childhood was can be a way to mask fears about becoming a parent. They might worry about repeating those patterns or not being good enough. Focusing on past struggles keeps them from facing their hopes for the future.
10. They claim they “love being the fun aunt/uncle.”
Some people embrace the role of the fun, child-free relative while avoiding conversations about having their own children. This role allows them to enjoy kids without the responsibility. It also provides an easy way to deflect deeper questions about their desires.
11. They delay decisions indefinitely.
Putting off major life choices, like settling down or starting a family, can be a way to avoid confronting their true feelings. Indefinite delays offer a sense of control while avoiding commitment. It’s a way to keep doors open without fully engaging with their desires.
12. They give practical reasons to explain their choice.
Practical explanations like “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have enough money” can mask deeper feelings. These reasons might be valid, but they can also serve as a shield. Practicality is easier to justify than expressing personal fears, hopes, or doubts.
13. They avoid being around children.
Some people steer clear of kids, not because they dislike them, but because it stirs up complicated feelings. Seeing children can make them question their own desires or highlight what they feel is missing. Avoidance becomes a way to protect themselves from these emotions.
