When someone attacks your character in a professional situation, it’s infuriating and a little dumbfounding.
Of course, you want to keep your cool and not show yourself up (or lose your job), but you also can’t just let it slide without responding at all. Here’s how to address the situation in a way that doesn’t compromise your integrity but lets the other person know these kinds of attacks aren’t going to fly.
1. Take a deep breath and try not to lose your rag.
When someone’s having a go at you, it’s tempting to bite back, but keep your cool. Take a moment to breathe and collect yourself. Reacting in the heat of the moment might make things worse, so give yourself a chance to calm down first. Step outside for a minute or take a bathroom break so you can remove yourself from the situation, even for a few minutes.
2. Don’t just brush it off like it’s no big deal.
It’s easy to think, “Oh, I’ll just ignore it, and it’ll go away.” Unfortunately, that rarely works. Recognise that personal attacks aren’t okay, and you don’t have to put up with them. It’s important to address the issue rather than letting it fester.
3. Keep a record of what’s happening.
Start jotting down the details of these incidents. When did it happen? What was said? Who else was around? Having a clear record can be dead useful if you need to escalate things later on. Plus, it helps you spot any patterns in the behaviour.
4. Try to suss out why they’re acting like this.
Sometimes, people lash out because of their own insecurities or problems. While it doesn’t excuse their behaviour, understanding where it’s coming from might help you deal with it better. Are they under pressure? Feeling threatened? Knowing the ‘why’ can inform your approach.
5. Have a private chat with the person if you feel safe doing so.
If you reckon you can handle it, try talking to the person one-on-one. They might not realise how their words are affecting you. Be clear about what they’ve said or done and how it makes you feel. Sometimes, a frank conversation can nip the problem in the bud.
6. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Let the person know what kind of behaviour is not on. Be firm about what you will and won’t tolerate. If they cross the line again, remind them of the boundaries you’ve set. Consistency is key here—don’t let things slide, or they might think it’s okay to carry on.
7. Don’t let them get inside your head.
It’s easy to start doubting yourself when someone’s constantly having a pop at you. But remember, their attacks say more about them than you. Don’t let their words chip away at your self-esteem. You know your worth, so hold on to that.
8. Build a support network at work.
Having allies can make a world of difference. Chat with colleagues you trust about what’s going on. They might offer support, advice, or even be witnesses if things escalate. Plus, it’s good to have people in your corner when times get tough.
9. Brush up on your company’s policies.
Take a gander at your workplace policies on harassment and bullying. Knowing your rights and the proper procedures can give you confidence in dealing with the situation. It also helps you understand when and how to escalate if needed.
10. If it’s not getting better, loop in your manager or HR.
If you’ve tried sorting it out yourself, and it’s still not working, it’s time to bring in the big guns. Talk to your manager or HR about what’s been happening. They should be able to step in and address the issue more formally.
11. Focus on your work and don’t let it throw you off your game.
It’s tough, but try not to let these attacks derail your work. Keep smashing your targets and doing a cracking job. Not only does it help you feel better, but it also shows that their behaviour isn’t affecting your performance.
12. Look after yourself outside of work.
Dealing with this rubbish at work can be draining. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself outside the office. Do things you enjoy, spend time with people who lift you up, and find ways to de-stress. Your mental health is important, so don’t neglect it.
13. Know when it’s time to consider other options.
If you’ve tried everything and the situation isn’t improving, it might be time to think about your options. This could mean looking for a transfer to another department, or even considering a new job altogether. Your wellbeing comes first, and sometimes the best solution is a fresh start.
