Having kids is one of the biggest decisions anyone can make, and it’s definitely not something to take lightly.
Lots of people want kids, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready for the lifelong responsibility that comes with raising them. It’s not about whether or not you’d be a “good” person — it’s about being prepared for the emotional, financial, and practical challenges of parenthood. It might sound harsh, but certain people just aren’t in a place to be a good parent to a child, and no matter how desperate they are for a family, it’s probably better if they don’t start one — at least not before undergoing some serious therapy.
1. People who are emotionally unstable
Parenting is a rollercoaster of emotions, and if you’re someone who can’t handle your emotions well, it can be tough. Constant mood swings or struggling with emotional regulation can create an unpredictable environment for your child, which can cause them anxiety and uncertainty. If you can’t handle your own emotional ups and downs, it’s worth considering whether you can offer the steady support a child needs.
2. People who are selfish
Having a child requires a massive shift in focus from “me” to “we.” If you’re someone who struggles to think beyond your own wants and needs, parenting might not be the best fit for you. Raising kids means constant sacrifice, whether it’s time, energy, or personal freedom. If you’re still obsessed with “me time” and always putting yourself first, you might want to take a step back.
3. People with unresolved trauma
We all have baggage, but if you haven’t dealt with your past traumas, they could impact your ability to be the parent you want to be. Whether it’s from childhood or life experiences, unresolved trauma can affect how you interact with your child. You might find yourself unintentionally repeating unhealthy patterns or being overly sensitive to situations that aren’t really about you.
4. People who aren’t financially stable
Let’s face it—kids are expensive. Per the latest data from the Child Poverty Action Group (CPAG), it costs a couple an average of £260,000 to raise a child to the age of 18, while a single parent will shell out an average of £290,000 — and that’s just a basic estimate. Beyond the obvious costs like food, clothes, and schooling, there are the unexpected expenses that come with raising a child. Financial instability can lead to stress, fights, and an inability to provide for your child’s needs. If you’re barely making ends meet or living pay cheque to pay cheque, it’s worth asking if you can truly provide the kind of security a child deserves.
5. People who aren’t ready to make sacrifices
Selfishness aside, being unprepared to sacrifice the things you enjoy—like spontaneous nights out or personal space—is a real issue. Parenthood requires giving up a lot, from time and energy to your own personal goals. If you can’t imagine life without your current freedoms, you might need to reconsider whether you’re truly ready for what kids demand.
6. People without a solid support system
Raising a child isn’t something you can do alone. If you don’t have a close family or friend network to help you, the pressure and loneliness can be overwhelming. A solid support system can help you cope with the sleepless nights and difficult days. If you’re isolated or have no one to turn to, you’ll find it much harder to balance the challenges of parenthood.
7. People who struggle with addiction
Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, or even behavioural addictions, people who are struggling with any form of addiction need to sort things out before taking on the responsibility of raising a child. Addiction takes a toll not just on your health, but on your relationships, and it can create an unstable home environment that is unsafe for a child.
8. People with poor impulse control
If you have trouble controlling your impulses or reactions, it might be time to look at how that will affect a child. Parenting requires patience, calm, and the ability to think before reacting. Kids push boundaries, and if you’re prone to angry outbursts or rash decisions, it can have a negative impact on your child’s emotional development.
9. People who can’t communicate effectively
Communication is key to any relationship, and even more so when raising children. Whether it’s with your partner, family, or the child themselves, the ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings is vital. If you’re someone who avoids conflict, bottles things up, or struggles to express yourself, it’s something to work on before becoming a parent.
10. People who are afraid of commitment
Parenthood is a lifelong commitment. If you’re someone who finds it hard to stick with things or is constantly looking for a way out, kids aren’t something you can walk away from when it gets tough. A child will rely on you for years to come, and that kind of commitment isn’t something you can just quit when the going gets rough.
11. People who have anger issues
Anger management is a real issue for some people, and it can be dangerous in a parenting situation. Kids can be frustrating, and if you’re someone who has trouble keeping your temper in check, that could lead to unhealthy, damaging behaviours. It’s not just about controlling your emotions—it’s about providing a stable, loving environment where the child feels safe and valued.
12. People who can’t prioritise their child’s needs
One of the biggest parts of being a good parent is learning to put your child’s needs before your own. If you’re the kind of person who can’t see past your own desires or constantly needs attention, a child might be more than you can handle. Kids need constant care and attention, and if you can’t shift your focus to them when necessary, it’s time to reconsider.
13. People who resist change or adaptability
Kids change constantly—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Being able to adapt is crucial when raising children. If you’re someone who dislikes change, gets frustrated when things don’t go as planned, or insists on things staying the same, you may find parenting challenging. Flexibility is key in handling the unpredictable nature of child-rearing.
