Some people just seem to have a natural ability to take control of any situation without coming across as pushy or aggressive.
They don’t panic under pressure, they don’t lose their cool in awkward moments, and they always seem to steer things in their favour. This isn’t luck, by the way — it’s skill. Smart people know how to read the room, influence conversations, and stay composed, no matter what’s going on around them. Here are some of the most common tricks they use to stay in control. They might come in handy for you, too.
1. They control their emotions first.
In any situation, the person who stays calm has the most power. Smart people know that losing their temper, reacting too quickly, or letting their emotions take over usually works against them. Instead of getting caught up in the moment, they take a deep breath, process their emotions, and decide how to respond logically. When everyone else is panicking, the calmest person in the room automatically has the upper hand.
2. They ask more questions than they answer.
Instead of jumping in with their opinion, they ask questions to gather more information. This puts them in control of the conversation without making it obvious. By asking the right questions, they make people feel heard while also guiding the discussion in the direction they want. It also buys them time to think before they respond. Plus, they actually learn some pretty interesting and useful things in the process!
3. They let silence do the work.
Most people are uncomfortable with silence and will rush to fill it, often giving away more than they meant to. Smart people use this to their advantage by staying quiet and letting everyone talk themselves into a corner. Whether in negotiations, arguments, or everyday conversations, a well-timed pause can make people feel pressured to explain themselves or even change their stance.
4. They choose their battles wisely.
Smart people don’t waste energy trying to control every little thing. They know when to push and when to let things slide so that they protect their peace and their time. They focus on what truly matters and avoid unnecessary arguments or power struggles. This way, when they do assert themselves, people take them more seriously.
5. They use people’s names in conversation.
Using someone’s name is a subtle but effective way to gain control of a conversation, so long as it’s done in a way that’s organic and not excessive. It makes people feel acknowledged and respected, which naturally makes them more receptive. It also helps to break tension in tough situations. Saying, “I understand what you’re saying, Sarah,” instantly makes the conversation feel more personal and direct.
6. They mirror the other person’s energy.
Smart people know that people are more likely to agree with someone they feel is similar to them. That’s why they subtly match the energy, tone, and body language of the person they’re speaking with. If someone is speaking softly and calmly, they mirror that. If someone is passionate and animated, they reflect a bit of that back. This builds rapport and makes the other person more open to their influence.
7. They keep their body language open.
In any conversation, body language plays a huge role in who holds the power. Smart people make sure theirs displays confidence, authority, and ease rather than tension, defensiveness, or a bad attitude. They stand tall, make steady eye contact, and avoid nervous habits like fidgeting or crossing their arms. When they take up space in a relaxed, controlled way, they naturally command attention.
8. They let other people feel like they’re in control.
The most skilled people don’t fight for control; they let other people think they have it. By making someone feel heard, validated, and involved in the decision-making process, they subtly steer things in the direction they want. They phrase suggestions as questions (“What do you think about this approach?”) or make people feel like the final decision was theirs, even when they guided it all along.
9. They slow things down when needed.
In high-pressure situations, many people feel rushed into making decisions. Intelligent people don’t let urgency control them, however; they take a step back, slow the pace, and buy themselves time. Whether it’s pausing before answering a tough question or delaying a decision until they have all the information, they make sure they stay in the driver’s seat. When they’re ready to pick the pace up again, they do.
10. They redirect conversations without making it obvious.
When a discussion starts going in a direction they don’t like, smart people know how to subtly steer it back. Instead of saying, “I don’t want to talk about that,” they smoothly shift the focus. They do this by acknowledging what was said, then introducing a new angle. “That’s an interesting point—actually, this reminds me of something I wanted to mention…” It feels natural but keeps the conversation under their control.
11. They use confident, decisive language.
Words matter. Smart people avoid phrases like “I think” or “I feel like” when they want to sound confident. Instead, they make statements with certainty. Rather than saying, “Maybe we should try this,” they say, “Let’s do this.” Instead of, “I’m not sure, but…” they say, “Here’s what I know.” The way they phrase things influences how other people see them.
12. They master the power of reciprocity.
People are naturally more willing to give when they’ve received something first. Smart people use this to their advantage by offering small favours, compliments, or acts of kindness before making a request. It’s not manipulation, it’s psychology. When people feel appreciated or helped, they’re much more likely to say yes when asked for something in return.
13. They stay unfazed when things don’t go their way
Smart people don’t panic when they lose a little control. They stay composed and adapt. If something doesn’t go as planned, they don’t react emotionally; they adjust their approach and keep moving forward. They understand that true control isn’t about winning every moment. In reality, it’s about playing the long game. By staying steady, they keep the upper hand, even in unpredictable situations.
