Growing up as a “fat kid” often means facing challenges and awkward moments that a lot of people probably won’t ever understand.
Because of the shame and bullying they often experienced growing up because of their weight, a lot of former “fat kids” have a set of survival skills they developed out of necessity. These are not the typical life skills that are celebrated, but they were learned quickly to cope with the world around them. They just wanted to get through the day — and their school years — with a shred of dignity and mental health intact, which is why they sadly had to get good at these things.
1. Mastering the art of hiding
Growing up, staying out of the spotlight was often a survival strategy. Whether it was hiding food to avoid scrutiny or sneaking out of social situations where they knew they’d be judged, being invisible became second nature. The more they could fade into the background, the less attention they drew to themselves — and the less chance they had of being ridiculed. But the need for invisibility often meant missing out on social opportunities, choosing isolation over the potential for judgement. It was safer that way, but it came at a price.
2. Developing a thick skin
Getting teased constantly isn’t easy on anyone, which is why developing a thick skin was necessary just to survive the day. After hearing the same cruel jokes over and over, it became a survival tactic to either laugh things off or put on a tough exterior. On the outside, they might seem unbothered, but the truth is, many of those jokes hit harder than they let on. This defence mechanism worked to shield their feelings in the moment, but it also made it harder to let people in later on. The walls went up to keep the hurt out, but they often stayed up long after the teasing stopped.
3. Becoming an expert at self-deprecating humour
When the world seems determined to make fun of you, sometimes the only way to take control of the situation is to laugh at yourself first. They became masters of self-deprecating humour, using jokes about themselves to deflect ridicule. While it could lighten the mood and take the heat off, it also had its downsides. Laughing at themselves became a shield — one that hid the hurt underneath. It wasn’t always fun to be the punchline, but it was one way to avoid being hurt by other people.
4. Getting good at evasive manoeuvres
Whether it was avoiding gym class or dodging conversations about weight, they learned how to sidestep uncomfortable situations without drawing attention to their avoidance. They got really good at finding ways to skip out on things that would make them feel self-conscious, even if they secretly wanted to be part of the action. The instinct to avoid uncomfortable moments often meant missing out on activities they could have enjoyed — but the fear of judgement made staying away feel safer.
5. Mastering the “I’m fine” act
One of the most common phrases for many former “fat kids” was “I’m fine,” even when they really weren’t. The constant need to put on a brave face, even when feeling insecure or upset, became part of the routine. It was easier to pretend everything was okay than to risk opening up about how they were really feeling. But the habit of bottling things up wasn’t just a teenage coping mechanism — it stuck around, often making it harder to express emotions and deal with them in healthy ways.
6. Creating emotional walls
Constant rejection or judgement often led to building emotional walls. When someone feels consistently rejected or judged, it’s natural to start distancing yourself from other people. But for kids who were overweight, it became a way to protect their hearts from getting hurt. The downside to their self-protection was that it made it hard to form deep, trusting connections later in life. Those walls were meant to shield them, but they also kept people at a distance, making it hard to fully open up and trust again.
7. Mastering the art of distraction
Food wasn’t the only thing that provided comfort. They found solace in other distractions like books, video games, or hobbies. These things became a way to cope with the emotional toll of being teased or feeling left out. By immersing themselves in something else, they didn’t have to deal with the harsh realities they faced. Unfortunately, the habit of distracting themselves with anything other than their emotions can carry over into adulthood, making it tough to face issues head-on when they arise.
8. Becoming a people pleaser
In an effort to fit in or avoid rejection, they learned to make everyone else happy first. They became the life of the party, making jokes or going out of their way to do favours, hoping to get validation or just avoid being ignored. While this might have earned them some temporary approval, it often came at the expense of their own self-worth. Over time, the need to please everyone could cause them to lose sight of who they were, all in the name of getting people to like them.
9. Developing a love-hate relationship with food
For many kids who grew up overweight, food was both a comfort and a source of guilt. They learned to enjoy eating, but also felt shame about their choices or the amount they consumed. Their conflicted relationship with food often led to unhealthy eating habits, and in some cases, the need to hide food or eat in secret to avoid judgement. Balancing the comfort food brought with the guilt that came with it was a struggle many carried long after childhood.
10. Perfecting the “small talk” game
Source: Unsplash Small talk can often feel like a safe space for avoiding deeper, more personal conversations. For these kids, small talk became a way to distract everyone from their insecurities or avoid subjects they were uncomfortable with. It was easier to chat about the weather or the latest TV show than to get into anything more real or meaningful. Over time, the habit of deflecting serious topics helped them avoid exposing vulnerabilities, but it also kept them from truly connecting with other people.
11. Getting used to being overlooked
Source: Unsplash From school days to social gatherings, many former “fat kids” learned to blend into the background. It was safer to be overlooked than to risk attracting attention and facing ridicule. They got used to staying under the radar, even when they wanted to be seen or included. The habit of shrinking back can carry over into adulthood, sometimes making it harder to step into the spotlight or assert themselves in situations where they should be heard.
12. Hiding physical discomfort
Source: Unsplash Physical discomfort was often something to hide, whether it was from exercise, fitting into a seat, or simply walking a long distance. For them, showing any signs of struggle was embarrassing, so they learned to push through without letting anyone know how uncomfortable they were. The need to hide discomfort often led to avoiding situations where they might feel judged, which can carry on into adulthood, making it tough to engage in physical activity or other situations where they feel self-conscious.
13. Learning to protect themselves emotionally
Source: Unsplash Over time, emotional self-protection became a reflex for many former “fat kids.” The constant rejection and judgement made it necessary to develop coping mechanisms like withdrawing, putting up a tough front, or shutting people out. While this helped protect their feelings in the moment, it also made it nearly impossible to form genuine emotional connections. The walls they built to keep the pain out often kept love and trust at bay too.
