Most parents want the best for their children, but for some, watching their kids succeed brings out feelings they’d rather not admit to.
Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or a sense of losing control, certain parents struggle when their child starts thriving. Instead of celebrating achievements, they downplay them, dismiss them, or even sabotage them. If you’ve ever felt like your parent isn’t as happy for you as they should be, here are a few possible reasons why. It’s rough, and these things don’t excuse their behaviour, but it might help you find a bit of understanding and acceptance.
1. They see your success as a reflection of their own shortcomings.
For some parents, watching their child succeed can feel like looking in a mirror and seeing all the things they never achieved. Instead of feeling proud, they compare their life to yours and come up short, leading to resentment rather than celebration. If they never got the career they wanted, never travelled, or never pursued their dreams, seeing you do those things can trigger feelings of regret. Instead of recognising that your success doesn’t diminish theirs, they take it personally — almost as if your achievements highlight their so-called failures.
2. They feel like they’re losing control over you.
Some parents see success as a sign that their child is becoming more independent, and for a controlling parent, that’s terrifying. If they’ve spent years making decisions for you, seeing you carve out your own path can make them feel like they’re no longer needed. They might react by undermining your choices, acting dismissive about your achievements, or even trying to guilt-trip you into staying dependent on them. In their mind, the more successful you are, the less power they have over your life.
3. They don’t know how to support something they don’t understand.
Not all parents are intentionally unsupportive — some just genuinely don’t really get what you’re doing. If your success looks different from the traditional paths they understand, they might struggle to know how to react. For example, if they only value traditional careers, but you’ve built a thriving business online, they might dismiss your success because it doesn’t fit their idea of what success should look like. Instead of adapting, they belittle it.
4. They’re scared you’ll outgrow them.
Some parents worry that success will change you — not in a bad way, but in a way that takes you further from them. If you start earning more, moving in different social circles, or living a life they can’t relate to, they may feel like they’re being left behind. Instead of admitting this fear, they downplay your achievements or make passive-aggressive comments, trying to keep you small so they don’t have to face the idea of losing their connection to you.
5. They believe they should get the credit.
Certain parents struggle to see their child’s success as theirs; instead, they see it as something they made possible. Instead of celebrating you, they make it about themselves, constantly reminding you of how much they sacrificed so you could get where you are. They might say things like, “You wouldn’t have achieved this without me,” or “I worked so hard to give you these opportunities.” While it’s true that parental support matters, success is something you earned, not something they get to claim.
6. They feel threatened by your financial independence.
Some parents use financial control to maintain influence over their children. If you’ve suddenly become successful and no longer need them in the same way, they may feel like they’re losing an important role in your life. Instead of celebrating your independence, they may try to undermine it — criticising your spending habits, questioning your financial choices, or making comments about how they “hope you don’t forget where you came from.”
7. They were raised with a scarcity mindset.
Parents who grew up in environments where success felt limited, like only a few people could truly “make it,” might struggle to embrace your achievements. If they believe success is rare and hard to come by, they might see yours as a fluke or assume it won’t last. Instead of encouraging you, they might say things like, “Don’t get too comfortable,” or “Things could go wrong at any moment.” Their inability to embrace abundance makes them project their fears onto you.
8. They don’t know how to handle pride without competition.
Some parents only know how to interact through competition. If they’ve always been the one in the family to “know best” or be the most accomplished, seeing their child surpass them can make them uncomfortable. Instead of being happy for you, they try to one-up your achievements. If you get a promotion, they suddenly bring up something they did. If you buy a house, they remind you that they did it first. Instead of celebrating you, they make it a competition they have to win.
9. They struggle with envy, even if they won’t admit it.
No parent wants to admit they’re jealous of their child, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. If they’ve always wanted a certain level of success but never reached it, watching you achieve it can stir up feelings they’d rather not acknowledge. Instead of dealing with their emotions, they might act dismissive, downplay your achievements, or even make negative comments like, “It’s not that impressive,” just to make themselves feel better.
10. They have a “stay humble” mentality that goes too far.
Some parents believe in staying humble to an extreme degree. If you show excitement about your success, they might interpret it as arrogance and feel the need to bring you back down to earth, so to speak. They might say things like, “Don’t get a big head,” or “Remember, you’re not better than anyone else.” While humility is important, this kind of reaction can kill your confidence instead of encouraging you to keep growing.
11. They assume success comes with arrogance.
Certain parents believe that success automatically turns people into egotistical, self-absorbed individuals. Instead of seeing your success as something positive, they assume it will make you selfish or change your values. They might start treating you differently, acting like you’re “too good” for them now, even when you haven’t changed at all. It’s their insecurity talking, but it can create unnecessary distance in the relationship.
12. They’re afraid of being left behind.
For some parents, their child’s success signals the start of their decline. If they’re getting older or starting to slow down in life, watching you move forward might make them feel like they’re losing relevance. Instead of embracing your growth, they might react with bitterness or make negative comments, trying to hold onto a time when they were the ones thriving.
13. They’ve never learned how to be emotionally supportive.
Some parents simply don’t know how to be emotionally supportive. They might love you and want the best for you, but they’ve never learned how to express pride, encouragement, or excitement in a healthy way. They might respond to your success with awkwardness, indifference, or even dismissiveness, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to show they do. In these cases, their reaction says more about their own emotional limitations than about you. At the end of the day, your success is yours, and no one — parent or otherwise — has the right to make you feel bad about it. Some people will always struggle to be happy for other people, but that shouldn’t stop you from celebrating yourself. If your parent can’t handle your achievements, that’s their battle to deal with, not yours.
