Ever been in a situation where someone’s done something hurtful, but somehow you end up feeling like it’s your fault? Like, you did something to trigger their bad behaviour, or you’re just not good enough for them? If that rings a bell, you might be dealing with a narcissist. They’re masters at twisting the narrative and making you question your own sanity. Here are some of the things you’ll hear them say.
1. “You made me do it.”
This is a classic deflection tactic. Narcissists have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions, so they’ll try to shift the blame onto you. They’ll make it seem like you’re the one who pushed them to their limits, that your actions or words were the sole cause of their outburst or bad behaviour. This is a way to control you and make you feel responsible for their emotional state, even if they’re the ones in the wrong.
2. “If you were more understanding/loving/supportive, I wouldn’t have to do this.”
Source: Unsplash This is another way they manipulate you into feeling responsible for their actions. They set unrealistic expectations for you and make it seem like if you don’t meet those expectations, you’re somehow responsible for their negative behaviour. They might say things like, “If you were more supportive of my career, I wouldn’t be so stressed” or “If you loved me more, I wouldn’t feel the need to look elsewhere for affection.” It’s a guilt trip designed to make you feel inadequate and keep you trying to please them.
3. “I wouldn’t have to lie if you weren’t so insecure.”
Narcissists often project their own flaws and insecurities onto others. If they’re dishonest or unfaithful, they might accuse you of being insecure or jealous, making it seem like your own insecurities are the reason they’re acting out. This is a way to deflect blame and make you feel like you’re the problem, not them.
4. “You’re always nagging/criticizing me.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists hate being called out on their behaviour, so they’ll often turn the tables and accuse you of being the nag or the critic. They might say things like, “You’re always so negative” or “You never appreciate anything I do.” This is a way to silence your concerns and make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or needs. They want you to feel like you’re the problem, so they can continue their manipulative behaviour without consequence.
5. “I only did it because I love you.”
Source: Unsplash This is a common tactic used by narcissists to justify their controlling or abusive behaviour. They might say things like, “I’m only doing this because I care about you” or “I just want what’s best for you.” This is a way to make you feel like their actions are motivated by love, even when they’re clearly harmful or manipulative. It’s important to remember that love shouldn’t hurt, and no one has the right to control or abuse you in the name of love.
6. “You’re blowing things out of proportion.”
Source: Unsplash When you confront a narcissist about their behaviour, they’ll often try to minimize your concerns and make you feel like you’re overreacting. They might say things like, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “You’re just too sensitive.” This is a way to gaslight you and make you doubt your own perceptions. They want you to believe that your feelings and concerns are invalid, so they can continue their manipulative behaviour without consequence.
7. “You’re too emotional.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often use this phrase to dismiss your feelings and make you feel like you’re in the wrong for actually having feelings. They don’t want to take responsibility for their actions, so they write off your response as overblown or out of proportion so they don’t have to.
8. “You’re lucky to have me.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s a classic narcissist power move. They’ll try to make you feel like you’re somehow indebted to them for their presence in your life, as if they’re doing you a favour by being with you. It’s a way to elevate themselves and make you feel less worthy. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and appreciation, not on one person constantly reminding you how lucky you are to have them.
9. “I never said that.”
Gaslighting at its finest. Narcissists will often deny saying or doing things, even if you have a clear memory of it. They’ll make you question your own sanity and memory, making you doubt yourself and your perceptions. It can be incredibly disorienting and leave you feeling like you’re going crazy. Trust your instincts and don’t let them rewrite history.
10. “You’re so sensitive/dramatic/emotional.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists will often weaponize your emotions against you. If you express hurt, anger, or frustration, they’ll label you as “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” This is a way to invalidate your feelings and make you feel like you’re the problem, not them. They want you to believe that your emotions are irrational and unreasonable, so they can continue their manipulative behaviour without consequence.
11. “Nobody else would put up with you.”
Source: Unsplash This is a classic isolation tactic. Narcissists will try to make you feel like you’re lucky to have them because nobody else would tolerate your flaws or quirks. This is a way to make you feel insecure and dependent on them. It’s also a form of emotional abuse, designed to erode your self-esteem and keep you under their control.
12. “You’re crazy.”
Source: Unsplash This is another gaslighting tactic that’s designed to make you doubt your own sanity. If you question their behaviour or challenge their version of events, they might accuse you of being “crazy” or “imagining things.” This can be incredibly damaging to your mental health and well-being, and it’s important to seek support if you’re experiencing this kind of manipulation.
