Narcissists are master manipulators who will stop at nothing to maintain control and power over you.
One of their favourite tactics is to spread lies and distort the truth to sabotage your relationships and make people think less of you. Here are some of the most common ways they’ll try to destroy your reputation when you’re not around. The more you’re aware of them, the better you’ll be able to protect yourself.
1. Portraying you as unstable or crazy
Narcissists love to paint their victims as unhinged and irrational. They’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re emotionally volatile, prone to wild mood swings, or even have serious mental health issues. The goal is to make people question your sanity and credibility. If they can get people to stop taking you seriously, they make you powerless, and that’s the ultimate goal.
2. Claiming you’re abusive or dangerous
To turn people against you, narcissists may accuse you of being physically or emotionally abusive, especially towards them. They’ll play the victim and act afraid of you, even if you’ve never so much as raised your voice. This makes people view you as a potential threat. As Psychology Today notes, this is nothing more than a form of projection — they’re likely the one guilty of all the things they’re accusing you of doing!
3. Labelling you as selfish and uncaring
Narcissists are pros at twisting things to make you look bad. They’ll tell ridiculous stories about how you never think of anyone but yourself, you’re cold and unfeeling, and you don’t care about anyone else but yourself. Suddenly, you’re seen as a self-absorbed jerk. The people who truly know you should know better, of course, but narcissists will pull out all the stops to make their lies seem true.
4. Accusing you of lying and dishonesty
Source: Unsplash Even the most truthful person can have their integrity called into question by a skilled narcissist. They’ll claim you’re a compulsive liar who can’t be trusted, planting seeds of doubt that make people wonder what else you might be deceiving them about. When you insist that what the narcissist is saying isn’t true, they’ll wonder if they can trust your version of events because the narcissist is that convincing.
5. Suggesting you’re a bad influence
Source: Unsplash Narcissists may warn others, especially your mutual friends, to stay away from you because you’re a negative influence. They’ll say you’re mixed up with the wrong crowd, engage in sketchy behaviour, or encourage people to make poor choices. Now you’re viewed as someone to avoid. Of course, people who fall for this probably aren’t the ones you want in your life, but it still hurts.
6. Calling you jealous and resentful
If a narcissist sees you as a rival, they’ll often try to frame your valid concerns as bitterness and jealousy. They’ll say you can’t handle their success, you’re jealous of what they have, and you’re out to get them because they’re doing so well. Suddenly, your real issues are dismissed. This is their get out of jail free card, so to speak — their way of avoiding accountability.
7. Branding you as incompetent or stupid
Narcissists get a kick out of convincing people that you’re inept and unintelligent. They’ll highlight your every mistake, no matter how minor, and try to make you out as someone who’s incapable of handling basic responsibilities. Others may start to doubt your abilities and intellect.
8. Spreading rumours about your intimate life
Source: Unsplash Whether you’re in a committed relationship or proudly single, narcissists will find ways to make your sex life seem sordid. They’ll imply you’re cheating on your partner, you’re promiscuous, or you have bizarre tastes in the bedroom. Your reputation in the romance department is now tarnished (or at least a little suspect).
9. Questioning your parenting abilities
Source: Unsplash If you have kids, narcissists will often go after your parenting skills as a way to discredit you. They’ll criticise your childcare choices, call you an unfit parent, or accuse you of neglecting or endangering your kids. This can be especially hurtful and damaging. In fact, if they take it far enough, it could jeopardise your ability to care for your children.
10. Undermining your professional reputation
Narcissists won’t hesitate to drag your name through the mud at work. They’ll claim you’re lazy, difficult to work with, or even stealing from the company. They may try to sabotage your projects or take credit for your ideas. Your formerly stellar work reputation will suddenly come under fire, and it can be stressful and even scary.
11. Attacking your values and morals
Narcissists often target the very foundation of who you are by going after your core values and beliefs. They’ll say you’re a hypocrite, you don’t practice what you preach, or you’re not as virtuous as you pretend to be. This shakes people’s faith and trust in your integrity.
12. Gaslighting mutual friends against you
Narcissists are great at manipulation, and they’ll often use gaslighting to turn your own friends against you, Thriveworks explains. They’ll twist stories, deny things happened, or even claim you’re the narcissistic one. This manufactured confusion may make your friends question their loyalty to you.
