You probably try to be a good friend, but are you one?
You have to do more than just showing up when it’s convenient — truly being supportive is about having your friend’s back through thick and thin and being there to lift them up when they’re down. Here are some signs you’re falling short in the “supportive friend” department.
1. You make everything about yourself.
If every conversation turns back to your problems or achievements, you’re not giving your friend the space to share. Being supportive means listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak. When your friend is going through something, they need you to focus on them, not redirect the attention.
2. You downplay their struggles.
Saying things like “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll be fine” might seem helpful, but it can make your friend feel like their feelings don’t matter. Everyone’s struggles are different, and what might seem small to you could be big for them. A supportive friend validates those feelings instead of brushing them off.
3. You’re not available when they need you.
Life gets busy, but if you’re always too busy to be there when your friend needs you, that’s a problem. A supportive friend makes time, even when it’s inconvenient. It’s about showing that you care enough to be there, not just when it’s easy for you.
4. You don’t check in on them.
If you’re always waiting for your friend to reach out first, you might not be as supportive as you think. Checking in, even with a simple text, shows that you’re thinking about them. It’s a small gesture that can make a big difference, especially when they’re going through a tough time.
5. You dismiss their feelings.
Saying things like “Don’t be so sensitive” or “You’re overreacting” is a clear sign you’re not being supportive. Friends need to feel like they can express their emotions without being judged. If you’re constantly telling them how they should feel, they’ll stop opening up to you.
6. You offer advice when they just need to vent.
Not every problem needs a solution, and sometimes your friend just needs to vent. If you’re always jumping in with advice or trying to fix things, you might be missing the point. A supportive friend knows when to listen and when to give advice—there’s a time for both.
7. You don’t celebrate their successes.
A supportive friend is there for the good times, not just the bad. If you find yourself brushing off their achievements or feeling jealous when they succeed, it’s time to rethink your approach. Celebrate their wins with genuine enthusiasm—it strengthens your bond.
8. You make them feel guilty for needing help.
If you’re making your friend feel like a burden when they reach out, you’re not being supportive. Phrases like “I’ve got my own problems” or “I’m busy too” only make them feel worse for asking for support. A supportive friend helps without making the other person feel like they’re doing something wrong.
9. You don’t follow through on promises.
If you’re constantly cancelling plans or forgetting to do the things you said you would, your friend might feel like they can’t rely on you. Being a supportive friend means keeping your word, no matter how small the promise. Consistency builds trust and shows you care.
10. You judge their choices instead of supporting them.
We all make different decisions, but if you’re constantly judging your friend’s choices or criticising their path, you’re not offering support. They need someone who will stand by them, even if they make choices you wouldn’t. A supportive friend offers encouragement, not judgment.
11. You expect them to be there for you, but don’t return the favour.
Friendship goes both ways, and if you’re always leaning on your friend but never offering the same support, it’s one-sided. A true friend gives as much as they take. If you expect them to be there for you, make sure you’re offering the same in return.
12. You don’t respect their boundaries.
Being a supportive friend means understanding and respecting boundaries. If your friend needs space or says no to something, it’s important to respect that. Pushing their boundaries or making them feel guilty for setting limits is a sign you’re not being as supportive as you should be.
