We all have that one friend or coworker who just can’t seem to keep their mouth shut.
They’ll corner you at a party or hijack a meeting to divulge way too much personal information, leaving you feeling trapped and uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to be a captive audience to someone else’s verbal diarrhoea. Setting boundaries is a skill that can be learned, and it starts with having some go-to phrases in your back pocket. Next time someone starts oversharing, try one of these lines to take back control of the conversation.
1. “I appreciate you sharing, but I’m not in a place to take on anything else right now.”
Source: Pexels This phrase is a polite but firm way to let the oversharer know that you have your own stuff going on and can’t be their personal dumping ground. It acknowledges their desire to share without making any promises or commitments. You’re not their therapist, and you don’t have to take on the weight of their issues. By setting this boundary, you’re protecting your own mental and emotional energy.
2. “I’m not comfortable discussing such personal topics at work/school/etc.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes people forget that there’s a time and a place for personal conversations, and it’s not always in professional or academic settings. If a coworker or classmate starts oversharing during a meeting or group project, gently remind them that it’s not appropriate. You can be direct without being rude by simply stating your boundaries and expectations. It’s not about shaming them, but about maintaining a productive and respectful environment.
3. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the bandwidth to listen to this right now.”
Source: Unsplash We all have limited time and energy, and it’s important to prioritise how we spend it. If someone starts unloading their problems on you when you’re already stretched thin, it’s okay to hit the pause button. Let them know that you’re not in a position to give them your full attention at the moment, but that you’d be happy to chat another time. This sets a boundary while still leaving the door open for future conversations.
4. “I’m not sure I’m the best person to talk to about this. Have you considered a professional?”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes people overshare because they’re looking for advice or support, but you may not be equipped to provide it. If someone is dealing with serious issues like mental health struggles, addiction, or trauma, it’s okay to point them in the direction of a qualified professional. You can still be a supportive friend without taking on the role of a counsellor. Encourage them to seek help from someone who has the training and expertise to handle their situation.
5. “I’m flattered that you trust me, but I don’t feel right hearing such private information.”
Source: Unsplash Just because someone is comfortable sharing intimate details of their life with you doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable hearing it. If an oversharer starts divulging information that feels too personal or sensitive, it’s okay to speak up. Let them know that while you appreciate their trust, you don’t feel right being privy to such private matters. This sets a clear boundary while still acknowledging the vulnerability they’ve shown.
6. “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes people overshare as a way of seeking validation or a specific reaction from you. But you’re not obligated to give them what they want, especially if it feels manipulative or inappropriate. If someone drops a bombshell on you, and you’re not sure how to react, it’s okay to be honest about your confusion or discomfort. A simple “I’m not sure how to respond to that” can be a powerful way to shut down an oversharer and signal that they’ve crossed a line.
7. “I appreciate your honesty, but I’m not in a position to keep this confidential.”
Source: Unsplash Oversharers often spill their guts without considering the position they’re putting you in. If someone shares something that feels like a dangerous secret or a legal liability, it’s important to make it clear that you can’t be their confidant. Let them know that while you appreciate their honesty, you’re not in a position to keep the information to yourself. This protects you from being dragged into someone else’s mess and encourages them to seek help from the proper channels.
8. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable giving advice on such a personal matter.”
Some oversharers mistake your polite listening for an invitation to solve their problems. But just because they’ve shared their struggles with you doesn’t mean you’re obligated to fix them. If someone starts pressing you for advice on a sensitive personal issue, it’s okay to set a boundary. Let them know that while you empathise with their situation, you don’t feel comfortable telling them what to do. Encourage them to trust their own judgment or seek guidance from a qualified professional.
9. “I need to stop you there. That’s too much information for me.”
Sometimes you have to be blunt to get through to an oversharer. If someone is steam rolling past your more subtle attempts to set boundaries, it’s time to be direct. Interrupt them mid-sentence if necessary and let them know point-blank that they’re sharing too much. Be polite but firm, and don’t apologise for asserting your needs. Remember, you’re not responsible for managing their feelings or reactions. Your comfort level matters, and it’s okay to speak up when someone crosses a line.
10. “I’m sorry, but I have to end this conversation now.”
If all else fails and an oversharer just won’t take a hint, you may need to pull the emergency eject lever. Let them know that you’re no longer willing or able to continue the conversation, and then physically remove yourself from the situation if possible. Walk away, hang up the phone, or log off the chat. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your time and attention, especially if they’re not respecting your boundaries. Sometimes the best way to deal with an oversharer is to simply refuse to engage.
