Kindness isn’t just about what you do—it also comes through in the words you choose.
Certain statements give away when someone lacks compassion, even if they don’t realise it. You don’t have to be sugary sweet 24/7 or suck up to people to be seen as a kind and caring person. However, if you say these things, basic levels of respect and consideration aren’t something you seem to care about.
1. “That’s not my problem.”
This dismisses responsibility instantly and shows a serious lack of empathy. Even if you’re not directly involved, brushing people off in this way makes them feel small and unsupported when they needed understanding most. Start showing some willingness to listen. You don’t have to fix every issue, but saying “I hope you find a solution” or “I get why that’s stressful” is far kinder.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
Calling someone sensitive shuts down their feelings rather than respecting them. It frames emotions as flaws, which pushes people into silence and makes it harder for them to trust you with their honesty again. Handle it differently by validating emotions, even if you see things another way. Saying “I can see that upset you” respects their experience and keeps the conversation open without judgement.
3. “That’s just how I am.”
Using this one to excuse rudeness or harshness avoids accountability. It suggests there is no room for growth, which leaves everyone feeling like your behaviour will always take priority over their comfort. Get comfortable admitting when your words land badly. Saying “I didn’t mean it that way, I’ll try to phrase it better” shows willingness to adapt and makes people feel respected.
4. “It could be worse, you know.”
Even if true, saying this dismisses pain by comparing it to something bigger. People who hear it often feel dismissed instead of comforted, as though their struggles don’t count because someone else might have it harder. You can offer more comfort by simply recognising what they’re going through. A kind “That sounds tough” is more validating and often more helpful than trying to put their situation into perspective.
5. “I’m just being honest.”
This one tends to be used to cover up cruelty. Honesty without tact turns into bluntness that cuts people down instead of building trust, and it makes everyone wary of sharing openly with you. You can still be truthful while staying kind. Framing feedback gently or waiting for the right moment shows that honesty and compassion can exist together rather than at odds.
6. “Nobody cares.”
Dismissing someone’s concerns with “nobody cares” isolates them instantly. It strips away their voice and makes them feel foolish for even trying to express themselves, which damages relationships over time. Respond more thoughtfully by showing some level of interest. Even if you don’t relate fully, saying “I may not get it, but I hear you” is far more considerate.
7. “That’s not good enough.”
While constructive feedback matters, harsh wording makes people feel deflated rather than motivated. When you phrase things in absolutes like this, you give no space for effort to be recognised, only for failure to be highlighted. It’s possible to share the same message with encouragement included. Noticing what worked well before suggesting improvements shows kindness and helps people feel supported rather than torn down.
8. “Stop being dramatic.”
Source: Unsplash This one belittles people when they express emotions strongly. It paints them as over the top rather than acknowledging the reality of their experience, which silences them instead of building understanding. Change the tone by showing curiosity rather than judgement. Asking “What about this feels overwhelming?” helps them explain and feel validated instead of shamed for their reaction.
9. “You should’ve known better.”
Source: Unsplash Holding mistakes over someone’s head in this way makes them feel stupid rather than human. Everyone makes errors, yet this phrase turns learning moments into judgement, which quickly breaks down trust. You can be kinder by focusing on what can change now. Saying “Next time we’ll try it this way” acknowledges the mistake without crushing confidence, which encourages growth rather than resentment.
10. “That’s not how it happened.”
Sometimes people use this phrase to override someone else’s memory or perspective. Even if your version is different, dismissing theirs outright makes them feel unheard and often embarrassed for speaking up. Approach it more gently by sharing your view as an addition, not a replacement. Saying, “I remember it differently, but I get your point” respects both perspectives and keeps kindness intact.
11. “I don’t have time for this.”
Being busy is real, but saying it this way instantly shuts people out. It makes their needs sound unworthy of your attention, which can sting far more deeply than intended. Phrase it more kindly by being clear but softer. Saying “I want to give this proper time later” shows you value the conversation, even if you can’t give it right now.
12. “That’s not my fault.”
Jumping straight to defence without considering other people’s feelings blocks accountability. It pulls focus away from resolving issues and onto protecting yourself, which leaves people feeling unsupported and dismissed. Change the response by showing some willingness to share responsibility. Saying “I see how that happened, let’s sort it out” is kinder and far more constructive than distancing yourself.
13. “You always…” or “You never…”
Speaking in extremes makes people feel trapped and unfairly judged. These sweeping statements often ignore reality and focus only on negatives, which makes people defensive and shuts down healthy communication. Soften it a bit by being more specific. Saying “I felt hurt when this happened” focuses on the moment instead of attacking character, which keeps the conversation fairer and kinder.
14. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Comparing someone to other people is one of the most unkind phrases you can use. It erases individuality and makes people feel inadequate, which damages self-esteem and creates distance quickly. Replace comparison with encouragement. Highlighting what you value in them directly builds confidence and strengthens connection rather than tearing it down with unfair benchmarks.
15. “That’s just life.”
Whilst sometimes true, this phrase dismisses struggles as if they’re not worth caring about. It ends conversations abruptly and leaves people feeling brushed aside instead of supported. Keep perspective without being dismissive. Saying “Life can be tough, but I know this matters to you” acknowledges the difficulty whilst still giving space for empathy and care.
